Deeper Drink

Deeper Drink
Music Chris Williams and Brant Bollman
Lyrics Brant Bollman

Lord, You are my everything
I just can't get enough of You
My soul is hungry and
My body thrists for a drink thats true

I'm tired of the face and I'm tired of the race
The silly games we place between us and you
I'm tired of the games and how we all look the same
I'm ready to break out and run straight to You


I come here to worship
I want you to open my eyes
To drink from your deep well
At last my soul feels alive

my lips are open and spill forth like a fountian
with my every breath I give you praise
I rise up and stand and lift up my hands
My arms are like banners which I raise

I'm searching for a path that's true
One that leads back closer to You
I'm searching for a deeper drink of You.

You are everywhere.... everywhere.... everywhere.... everywhere....
Jesus won't you take me back and fill me up I need your love
Jesus won't you take me back and fill me up I need your love
Jesus won't you take me back and fill me up I need your love

If I ever loose my faith in you

I told a friend the other day that I was loosing my faith... not in Jesus or the Gospel... but my faith in man. I'm loosing my faith in the buildings and the names and the titles and roles. I'm questioning if it works. I am wondering if some of this structure isn't like the last lumbering brontosaurus struggling across a darkened, ashy plane after the meteorite ended his era.

I am reminded of a Sting song. I listened to it in my youth.

If I Ever Lose My Faith In You
Sting

You could say I lost my faith in science and progress
You could say I lost my belief in the holy church
You could say I lost my sense of direction
You could say all of this and worse but

Some would say I was a lost man in a lost world
You could say I lost my faith in the people on TV
You could say I'd lost my belief in our politicians
They all seemed like game show hosts to me

I never saw no miracle of science
That didn't go from a blessing to a curse
I never saw no military solution
That didn't always end up as something worse but
Let me say this first

If I ever lose my faith in you
There'd be nothing left for me to do

As walls crumble and big iconic symbols that were once the pillars of my beliefs fail and tumble, crashing to the ground, I'm left here with a minimalist vision of what Christianity is... it is Christ Jesus.

It is His mission, His ministry, His service, His love, His life, His blood, His death, His resurrection, His promise, His ascension, His pending return, and His Kingdom Come. This is what I know is true. I believe with every partical of my being. I would die for these truths.

I could be lost inside their lies without a trace
But every time I close my eyes I see your face

If I ever lose my faith in you
There'd be nothing left for me to do
If I ever lose my faith in you

Jesus you are my lifeline. I hang from you like a flailing mountain climber dangling over the precipice. You are what I have.

So I quest onward to drink deeper from the well that is You. I thirst for this water. Ever I look for most of you.

Start of Summer- a letter to my friends and readers

So, loyal readers. Summer is here. My blog entries here should be daily. But its sometimes hard to judge what summer will be like.

I started reading Velvet Elvis today by Rob Bell. Its so good. It addresses my issues with the church and speaks in my language. Its like I could have written it. I hope to find some answers to my riddle of what church is to look like in the pages of this amazing emergent-postmodern book. I'll post some quotes here as I go along.

Saturday I sat under a tree with drummer Joel, Matt Andersen and the Andersen family. We played some good praise and worship music. The wind was blowing and the Spirit was moving and it was so right and perfect. It made me want to be there forever. It cut out all the pretence of our church worship and narrowed it down to believers, insturments and God. WOW! Praise GOD!

Yesterday at band practice we worked on some new stuff. I am penning a tune written to one of Chris' riffs that is about just that. Its about getting away from the guilt and custom of church and jumping into God like diving into a cool lake on a hot day. I don't want to sit and read. I want to be flooded and transformed. I'll post it when I get it all done.

Chris is doing an awesome praise ballad. It was so heart-felt and WORD-based it was amazing. He'll play it next Sunday at Generation Genesis. WOW... can it be time for a G-squared already? Nathan Howard is coming back to give the message. He is a former leaguer who has spent time in missions and ministry. He is our brother and we love him.

Well, I'm off to play with my kids. Pray for my family. We are trying to figure out who we are. We are both changing so much and we are trying to figure out how we fit together right now.

Grace and Peace,

Digger

Summer plans

School is out! Here are my summer plans.

1- to be the best dad I can be from 6:00am to 5:00pm
2- to play my guitar three hours a day!
3- to ROCK OUT WITH MY BAND!
4- to give all of my self to the Denver mission trip
5- to find some peace
6- New tattoo
7- go to the zoo once a week
8- read Velvet Elvis by Rob Bell
9- figure out what I want Church to look like
10- get a good tan!

My boy the other day told his first bad pun... When I said I wanted some peace he turned to me, grinned and said, "I want a piece of pie!" He is only three... and doesn't even like pie. Praise the Lord! He is just like me.

Good Dirt

I know this girl. I'll call her Wanda. I have seen her at some of the church things I am involved in. She gets really into worship. She cries. She gets worked up. She falls down and repents. Its a beautiful thing.

One morning following one of these displays a pastor friend of mine said, "I heard Wanda got saved last night at your service."

I said, "Just wait till next month. She'll get saved again then, too!"

I see this pattern. She comes. She gets emotional. She leaves. But that's it. Nothing else happens. Where is the life change? Where is the Christ moving in and transforming?


Dr Homer Larsen (the bomb daddy of my strain of Lutheran belief) says "A changed heart is a changed life!" WORD!

Jesus tells us a story of a harvest in Matthew Chapter 13--

"What do you make of this? A farmer planted seed. As he scattered the seed, some of it fell on the road, and birds ate it. Some fell in the gravel; it sprouted quickly but didn't put down roots, so when the sun came up it withered just as quickly. Some fell in the weeds; as it came up, it was strangled by the weeds. Some fell on good earth, and produced a harvest beyond his wildest dreams.

"Are you listening to this? Really listening?"

"The seed cast in the gravel—this is the person who hears and instantly responds with enthusiasm. But there is no soil of character, and so when the emotions wear off and some difficulty arrives, there is nothing to show for it. "



Friends, we can get all rapped up in the music and the display and get born again and again and again and again. But that's not what this is about.


"The seed cast on good earth is the person who hears and takes in the News, and then produces a harvest beyond his wildest dreams."


This is about making your heart a place for God to plant and grow and reap a bountiful harvets. Don't be average dirt... don't let the crop wither. Be good dirt. Do great things with Jesus!

The Shape of Worship

I was talking last night to a dear friend about what worship looks like... and should look like.

I said that I am questioning SO MUCH. You can read this in my recent blog entries. I know what isn't working for me. Sometimes I go and I look around and I see the masquerade, the charade, the face of worship and it really makes me wonder if this is what God wanted His church to look like. But last night I was easily called out by my wiser friend, she said something to the effect of... you criticize the pulpit/preacher formula... but what alternative do you offer? What are you looking for... do more than berate the current system... tell me answers.

Over and over again in this crazy life I am humbled by my friend. Here I am supposed to be this smart, creative force (or so I promote in my mind) and all my intellection and ideation and strategic are humbled by wisdom... something which I am sorely lacking.

So I think now of what worship should be. Worship shouldn't be a show, where the man in the costume comes out and gives us entertainment for an hour on Sunday. Worship should not be from the pulpit to the crowd. Worship should be an act of sacrifice. Worship should be a group of like-minded believers gathered together to DO SOMETHING! This I believe.

I can worship the Lord-

In song... ok we all get singing. Many think worship is singing. But that is just a part.

In reading... I like to read psalms responsively. There is an ancient wisdom in reading a psalm.. for thousands of years we have done this and that is pretty cool. I have practived Lectio Divina at various stages of my life and find that sacred reading is a different kind of reading that transforms your soul. Reading is good!

We can praise Him with dance. My friends at the Harlan AoG use dance a lot and it’s REALLY cool. We have all been in a pit at a Crowder concert... Praise GOD!

Praise Him with VOICE! WORD! AMEN! PRAISE GOD! Matt at last summer's mission trip would say "I praise you wand worship you Lord" all the time. I liked that. It sounded honest and personal, like telling your lover how much you love them and enjoy their company.

Praise Him with our stories- Have I ever been prouder of any moment in my ministry than when Amanda shared her testimonial? Or when the Kings poured out their hearts about loosing their child? Or any Joel’s contributions to our group? At Camp Bethany last summer on the last night of high school camp, we went around and shared our personal stories… it was amazing. God has worked a miracle in each of our lives. We were dead and now we live. Don’t hold that in… Share it!

We can praise Him with offerings... but here we must be very careful. NEVER GIVE TO THE LORD OUT OF GUILT! He doesn't need it... he doesn't want it. He wants you to give out of the burning desire in your heart to conform to His will. So check yourself while you are reaching into your pocket to give.

We can worship Him with time... This i feel may be the most important part of worship that we neglect. GO TO BOYS AND GIRLS CLUB! Volunteer two hours of your life to be an ambassador for Jesus Christ. It isn't hard and its very rewarding... its a freggin' blast to tell you the truth... and its worship! I give this time to your mission Lord. To comfort orphans in their distress.... BOOM! Mission trips are great but until the mission becomes our world around us, one week is just a drop in the bucket. Our very lives must become a mission. Our lives should become a living sacrifice for Him.

So, more and more I want our worship to take a new shape. I want it to be mission-minded... I want it to be filled with dancing and singing. I want it to be filled with everyone sharing testimonials and leading prayer and reading the bible together. I want it to have spontaneity and life. I want it to be fulfilling and new and fresh and alive and not a show. I don't want a performer. I want a leader.

I think about this idea... fresh still and very subject to change and study and revision... but already I see times when our worship is like this. Luther League! Calla! Our little group. Discipleship camp! Thursday Mornings! SPAW in Harlan. Immersion at HOPE! David Crowder Concerts! Generation Genesis to some extent... but maybe its time I stopped talking at these services and just let the Lord lead us to a new shape of worship.

Grace and Peace,
Digger

Bands of Believers Line Up

BOB Schedule

June 17th

Pioneer Park

Harlan, IA

11:00 Thrown
11:45 North Gate Praise!
12:30 United Methodist
1:15 Abundant Life
2:00 Hidden
2:45 The Well
3:30 Road to Damascus
4:15 First Baptist
5:00 CPO
5:45 Faith Sound

New Song

I wrote a new song last night. It’s really simple but real catchy and poppy reggae with a nice hook. I think it will be a great opening number.

Everybody Praise de Lord

Everybody stand up fer de Lord
Everybody rise up fer de Lord
Get on yer feeet, up and da beat
Everybody stand up fer de Lord

Today is a brand new day
Dis is da day dat the Lord haff made
Everybody stand up and say
Everybody praise da Lord

Raise yer hands up fer de Lord
Wave yer hands up fer de Lord
Up in de air, ya just don't care
Raise yer hands up fer de Lord

Today is a brand new day
Dis is da day dat the Lord haff made
Raise yer hands up now and say
Everybody praise da Lord

Everybody shake it fer de Lord
Everybody rump pom fer de Lord
Shakin' yer rump--- humppupastump
Everybody shake it fer de Lord

Today is a brand new day
Dis is da day dat the Lord haff made
Everybody shake yer butt and say
Everybody praise da Lord

Graduates

So, we have said goodbye to another graduating class at Elk Horn-Kimballton and Elk Horn Luther League. Another group of young adults are cast out onto the world to go find their spot in life, so see how they fit into God's big plan.

Here is my message for you graduating seniors.

You will travel great distances seeking knowledge from people in fancy suits with big titles and letters behind their names, but everything you truly need to know you learned in Sunday School. And that is to love everybody and treat others like you want to be treated.

You can be like the wisemen, traveling great distances to give gifts to the King, or you can be like the Shepherds and just come and worship Him. But come... seek the Lord, bow down, give Him what you've got... and make your life a gift for Him.

God, bless these friends as they take the next steps. AMEN!

Remember This!

I walked into the sanctuary and they were just finishing up the earlier service. Ordinary people in nice church clothing were just preparing for communion while the alternative folks like myself milled around in a foyer waiting for the Emergent late night service to begin. As communion started and I hung in the back and watched in anticipation. Through the glass I saw the people filing forward and in my chest and on my skin I felt the Spirit moving in the place. I said with glee... "Oh, yes! The Spirit is in this place!"

Then worship... sweet worship. My kind of worship. Rock and roll and tears and hands and praise and adoration to the King of Kings and Lord of Lords.

The pastor gave a message... a good message about Grace and forgiveness and a personal relationship with the Lord. It was Spirit filled and Gospel centered and everything that is right and wonderful. I felt so fed by his words. I was hungry for the TRUTH. I needed to hear what he said... like he spoke just to me.

And then communion. It was my turn to experience what I had witnessed through the glass. My heart pounded and I couldn't wait to go.

For me communion isn't a ritual. Its not a memorial or a remembrance. Its powerful. Its spiritual... it's the real deal.

As a child I played a lot of Super Mario Brothers. In fact, I am wearing a Mario Bros T-shirt as I sit here and blog.

My favorite moment of the game is when Mario is empowered. He starts the game small but he isn't entirely helpless. He can run and jump onto foes but the slightest touch and he is knocked out. But when Mario gets a mushroom he is magically transformed. He is built up into a bigger, badder version of himself. He can now face the enemy with greater power.

Communion is my Mario Mushroom.

A lady pastor started a fairly standard communion introduction and invited all that wanted to come forward. Then she grabbed the bread, a big hearty loaf from a real bakery, and held it up, dug her fingers into it and broke it. I felt such a power in the room I almost collapsed. OH YES, the Spirit was in the House! I wanted to lay on the floor and moan. The band started playing You Alone, the David Crowder song, one that we also do. I waited for my turn. Then got into line.

As I approached the bread and wine I prayed my personal prayer, "Jesus you are my best friend. Thank you for giving yourself for me! Work in me and change me to become more like you!" Then I took the bread and dipped it into the wine. As I meditated over the gift I wept.
I returned to my seat and contemplated a God so powerful that would die for someone little like me... and I thanked Him. Then the band played the bridge and it was so true..

I'm ALIVE! I'm ALIVE! I'm ALIVE! I'm ALIVE! I'm ALIVE!

Thank you Jesus for making me alive.

My Song

Some days I feel like my life is like a knee that the cartilage is wearing out. There is no longer that cushion, that comfort. It’s just the grind of bone on bone. When I feel this way I run to a song by Switchfoot called the Blues. It was written on New Years eve and Jon Foreman sits there, looking at the decadence and just prays for the Second coming when all the wrongs are righted, when the poor are made rich, when the weak are made strong.

The Blues
Switchfoot

Is this the New Year or just another night?
Is this the new fear or just another fright?
Is this the new tear or just another desperation?


Is this the finger or just another fist?
Is this the kingdom or just a hit n' miss?
A misdirection, most in all this desperation

Is this what they call freedom?
Is this what you call pain?
Is this what they call discontented fame?

It'll be a day like this one
When the world caves in
When the world caves in


There's nothing here worth saving,
Is no one here at all?
Is there any net left that could break our fall?

It'll be a day like this one
When the sky falls down and the hungry and poor and deserted are found
Are you discontented?
Have you been pushing hard?
Have you been through and down this broken house of cards?

It'll be a day like this one
When the world caves in
When the world caves in

Is there nothing left now?
Nothing left to sing
Are there any left to haven't kiss the enemy?
Is this the New Year or just another desperation?

Just as I could find you, do the wicked never lose?
Is there any honest song to sing besides these blues?

And nothing is okay
Till the world caves in
Till the world caves in

My friend Marian Greer, a talented musician that leads the praise team at the FAoG in Harlan sings a song called Rapture Me. I have only heard it once or twice, but I recall the feeling. Sometimes I get tired of the fight. I get tired of the grinder that this world puts us through. I get tired of the warfare. The devil can be so resolute. Even through I know that we win... it wears me down. I end up tired and just waiting for the Return.

I woke up feeling that way this morning. I said to God on my way out the door at 6:00 for my Optimist meeting, "Artist-God, come today! I'm SO READY!"

I walked out and looked at the sky, a deep indigo from the early morning sun just beginning to paint the eastern skyline. It was raining and arching above my quaint little Iowa town was a perfect rainbow. It was bold and awesome towering over me. I saw it and I praised my God. I said, "Thank you Father for promises and beautiful things like the rainbow."

Everything is going to work out. Life is what it is. Jesus is coming just as sure as the sunrise comes every morning. Soon... very soon, everything will be ok.









I'm just holding on and waiting for the world to cave in.

Sip and Eat

Church isn't a place. Church isn't an hour a week. It's not our Sunday ritual. Church isn't a popularity contest... a right vs. wrong contest. Church isn't your assembly of high class people pouring out their sympathy on the lost world around it.

Church is not a house on a hill meant to shine above everything and everyone else.

Church is not walls and it is not the roof. It isn't the steeple and the bell. It isn't the pews. It isn't the decorations. It isn't the man (or woman) that works there in a fancy outfit. It isn't the bulletin. It isn't the readings or the confession. It isn't the guilt that keeps you going back.

Church is people... people who's hearts are beating more and more like God's.

I am sick of the country club. I'm sick of the coffee and the lunch. I am sick of the pretty sandwiches and the judgment. I am sick of the face of church. I am sick of the facade, the cracking, peeling myth that we are this shining, wonderful, holy institution that promotes the Gospel of Jesus Christ. Because the truth... the truth is much different.

If Jesus walked into our church today what would we think of him? What would we think of his mission? Would we throw down all of our stuff and follow him? Would we travel out of our comfortable suburban holes and work with the dark reaches of society alongside Jesus? Would we preach to prostitutes? Would we work with the homeless? Would we go to the sick and outcast? No! We send our benevolence to people who do that. We sip our coffee and have our perfect sandwiches and talk and talk and chuckle and show our church faces... while the disadvantage wait... they wait for the Gospel. They wait for the love of God. They wait for the church to do something... they ache for us to do something. But we just sip and eat... sip and eat.

WAKE UP! GET UP! DON'T WAIT ANY LONGER! LET'S GO.

Anyone who sets himself up as "religious" by talking a good game is self-deceived. This kind of religion is hot air and only hot air. Real religion, the kind that passes muster before God the Father, is this: Reach out to the homeless and loveless in their plight, and guard against corruption from the godless world.

James 1:26-27 MSG

Church isn't the show and the face... its reaching out and helping people. Its love. Let our love shine out today.

Good from bad

So Saturday me and the boys played at the Werner Company Picnic. There was a battle of the bands and we were one of eight groups that performed.

How did we do? Well... we weren't the worst. We weren't the best either. We were a little out of our element. We played on a stage in the burning sun. It was so bright that I couldn't read any of the numbers on my digital readout on my effect pedals. We made it through our set and we sounded ok. But we didn't have the normal Thrown energy or fun factor that makes us great to worship with. We were the Christian element at the show. Amongst the covers of old 60's numbers and strange originals, there was a punk rock Christian band.

So I left a little unsure of the result of the appearance but gave it to God. Nothing else, we had a great time together, I ate at Chilli's with my homies and spent sometime with the people I love.

But today I got a call from Alli (Toodles). She said that a guy was at the battle of the bands and saw us and wants to book us for his church's July 4th music festival at a big church in West Omaha. Now there is an opportunity to play to our kind of people and really minister the Hard Rock Gospel of Jesus Christ.

That’s why I love Jesus. He works backwards of how we want to. He makes small things big... He makes poor things rich... He turns bad performances into open doors.

Thank you Jesus for leading us on. AMEN!

Reality Check

I was returning from Joel's open house for the new location of his T-shirt shop. I strolled over there dressed in my finest punk attire... baggy, ragged jeans, chain wallet, The Who concert shirt, sweedish army jacket...... and oh yeah, I wore my durag. There is just something about that two dollar impulse buy. Everywhere I go in it I hear how much I look like Johnny Depp.

So on the way home, my ego pulsing with inflation from my durag and my Johnny Deppish good looks, I was brought back to reality. Turning the corn by Exira, still in town mind you and going no more than 30 mph, a deer leaped from the ditch and drilled the side on my little car. Now I have never hit a deer before, let alone have a deer smack me. But I do know one thing, every time I get too full of myself something happens to remind me the order of things. I am not near as awesome as I think I am. I don't have things near as together as I suppose I do. And I'm not near as good on my own as I am when God is leading things.

Now do I think God made that deer charge my car? No. But it sure was great timing.

Thank you, God, for full coverage and reality checks. AMEN!

If I were a Butterfly

I had a realization the other day... Nothing is going to happen in the next fifteen minutes that’s going to make me suddenly change and become something that I'm not. I'm not going to pop out of a cocoon and become a beautiful butterfly. It’s just not going to happen.

Christ is working in me. He's transforming me. But I am what I am. He chose to work through this person... this mixture of gifts and kookiness.

I remember the words to that great children's song, If I were a Butterfly.


If I were a butterfly I thank you Lord for giving me wings
If I were a robin in a tree I’d thank you Lord that I could sing
If I were a fish in the sea I’d wiggle my tail and giggle with glee
But I just thank you Father for making me, me


For you gave me a heart and you gave me a smile
You gave me Jesus and you made me your child
And I just thank you Father for making me, me

If I were something amazin, like a butterfly or big shot important person, I would bow down and thank God for the amazing things He planted in me. But I am what I am. And I praise Him for making me that way. I can take the gifts He's given me... I can beat on a guitar... I can write some prose, I can paint... some say I can sing (or at least shout)... and I can direct those things towards Him. I can give them to His purpose, and perhaps He will multiply them and create so much more.


Thank you Father for making me me.

Do not conform... TRANSFORM!

Crossroads

I stand at a crossroads and survey the options
I stand at the crossroads and take in all that I see
I stand at the crossroads and listen
I listen for His voice to call to me

I followed this path for so long
I followed it with His lamp in hand
straight and unbending
through the desert land

But now the road has come to a part
And I'm standing here in doubt
Which path to choose?
Which will win out?

I stand here at the crossroads and look at my life
and look at the future and all they I see
I want a path that leads
Back closer to thee


Pray for Thrown to rock the Gospel of Jesus Christ. Let us be instruments for His plan and His light. May we lead others to the cross of life.

If you died with Him
Then you will live with Him

If you endure,
Then you will reign

2 Tim 2:11-12a

Why me?

King David went in, took his place before GOD, and prayed: "Who am I, my Master GOD, and what is my family, that you have brought me to this place in life? But that's nothing compared to what's coming, for you've also spoken of my family far into the future, given me a glimpse into tomorrow, my Master GOD! What can I possibly say in the face of all this? You know me, Master GOD, just as I am. You've done all this not because of who I am but because of who you are--out of your very heart!-but you've let me in on it.

"This is what makes you so great, Master GOD! There is none like you, no God but you, nothing to compare with what we've heard with our own ears. And who is like your people, like Israel, a nation unique in the earth, whom God set out to redeem for himself (and became most famous for it), performing great and fearsome acts, throwing out nations and their gods left and right as you saved your people from Egypt? You established for yourself a people--your very own Israel!-your people permanently. And you, GOD, became their God.

2 Samuel 7:18-24

Who Am I?
Casting Crowns

Who am I? That the Lord of all the earth,
Would care to know my name,
Would care to feel my hurt.
Who am I? That the bright and morning star,
Would choose to light the way,
For my ever wandering heart.

I sit here at my computer and I honestly contemplate the reason that I am here. I question why a god as big and vast as this God would ever choose to work through me. Why didn't He choose someone bigger or stronger or better? I question the validity of my heart. I question the worth of my gifts and the value of my skills.

Who am I? That the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love
And watch me rise again.
Who am I? That the voice that calmed the sea,
Would call out through the rain,
And calm the storm in me.

Why me? I have been a terrible, terrible person. I have walked through darkness most of my days. Sin has wretched my life and made a fool of me. I have been in chains. Ego, self-centeredness and vanity all trip me and saddle me down. Why choose to pour so much effort into someone like me.

But luckily, luckily, friends, God’s mercy is far bigger than I could ever imagine. God’s grand vision, his scheme is greater than I could ever consider. His grace is far more forgiving and living changing than anything I can conceive.

Not because of who I am,
But because of what you've done.
Not because of what I've done, But because of who you are.

I praise God because He is more patient than me. I bow down because He is more loving. He loves and follows and waits and waits and calls out and implores us to listen. He is like a tireless firefighter that never gives up. He keeps searching in the burning house until He finds you and He hauls you out to safety. He tends to your wounds and breaths life back into your broken body.

I am a flower quickly fading,
Here today and gone tomorrow,
A wave tossed in the ocean,(ocean)
A vapor in the wind.
Still you hear me when I'm calling,
Lord, you catch me when I'm falling,
And you've told me who I am.
I am yours.
I am yours.

God didn’t look at me and see a loser, a sinner or a fool. He saw a potential, a potential that some days I still can’t see. I am so little in comparison to His greatness. I bow down at His presence and just weep. I am but a wisp of smoke on the wind. He is eternal and ever-present. But still, for some reason He loves me. Not a little love. A mountain of love. A love that never stops. A love that never quits. He loves me and waits for me and waits on me and He catches me when I am falling down. He is the greatest thing that has ever happened to me.

God's love is awesome. Its never ending. Its big... bigger than the sky, bigger than the biggest ocean. Its unconditional. Its never ceasing. Its unwavering. And most of all, friends, its unmerited. I didn't do anything to deserve this awesome commitment from the Lord of All Creation. He gave it to me for free.

Thank you God for your love. Amen.

Promise to raise her in a Christian Home

After the baptism of his baby sister in church, Jason sobbed all the way home in the back seat of the car. His father asked him three times what was wrong.

Finally, the boy replied, "That pastor had us promise to raise Sissy in a Christian home, and I want her to stay with us."


Some times you just need to lighten the mood. Let's pray on this cool May day for peace and a calming of the storm that has been brewing.

I think about Jesus calming the storm. I think about fear and trembling all halted by His voice. That voice still calls out today. Let us listen closely to it. And let it lead us and chagne us. Let us conform to his will.

Let's pray for rest and calm. But mostly peace. You can never get enough PEACE!

What do you take with you?

Think about all the stuff we work for. I work to pay a whole pile of bills. Bank payments for my fast little car... The mortgage on my big new house... student loan payment for my years at college... We pay for stuff: vacations and new toys and clothing and stereo equipment and new CDs. We buy DVDs and big screen TVs and portable DVD players for our cars. We pile our big fancy houses with our new stuff. We work and work to pay for the new stuff. Stuff makes us feel good. Stuff is like a drug. It dulls the feelings... it hides pain. It covers up who we are. Our stuff becomes our identity. We work to buy... we buy to feel... We become collectors of stuff. Our stuff becomes our drive... our purpose... our focus. We live stuff-driven lives.

Walk On
U2

All that you fashion - all that you make
All that you build - all that you break
All that you measure - all that you feel
All this you can leave behind
All that you reason - it's only time
Love in a fever - no, not mine
All that you sense - all that you scheme
All you dress up - all that you seem

And love is not the easy thing
The only baggage that you can bring
Not the easy thing
The only baggage you can bring
Is all that you can't leave behind

But all that stuff will stay here when our time is up. It will disappear. It will rust... fall to dust... wash away. What lives on? What goes with us to the next Kingdom?

Love.

Love is all that really matters friends. Love endures. Love is eternal. Then why do we spend all of our life collecting things at the expense of love?

Don't hoard treasure down here where it gets eaten by moths and corroded by rust or--worse!-stolen by burglars. Stockpile treasure in heaven, where it's safe from moth and rust and burglars. It's obvious, isn't it? The place where your treasure is, is the place you will most want to be, and end up being.

Matthew 6:19-21 MSG

I want to be separated from the bondage of stuff like corn from the husk. I want to just rise up and walk away from it like broken wreckage. I want to drop my mask of stuff and put on a robe of love. And walk on.

T-shirt Design

Behold the new T-shirt Design for the band. Email me with your orders today! Joel and I will work out some size and price information soon.

Peace

You were saved here!

My beloved friends, let us continue to love each other since love comes from God. Everyone who loves is born of God and experiences a relationship with God.

1 John 4:7

I thought I knew the answers before. I thought I was a Christian. I went to church. I read along with the bulletin. I sang the songs. I even helped at Vacation Bible School. On occasion I might even have prayed... but I prayed to a God that was far away, down a long tunnel.

I went to West Virginia and there in a cafeteria, sitting on a cold floor, I met God up close and personal. Jesus was all over my back. He was chasing me... begging me to stop running and to embrace Him.

What did I find there? I found a God that wasn't far off down a tunnel. He was right there knocking at the door of my heart. He was begging to move and change me and make a new life.

It turns out that being a Christian.... a true CHRIST-FOLLOWER... has less to do with you and your eternal salvation then it does have to do with helping others. Christ came. He gave everything to help those in need. He didn't use His power for fame. In fact, every where He went He told people to keep His miraculous activities a secret. He didn't use it for power. He lived a poor life of a traveling missionary. He didn't hide in the temple. He went to the streets and He found the lepers and He touched them. He found the weak and He healed them. He found the blind and He gave them sight. He found the lost and gave them direction.

Jesus used His power to rain love down on everyone He met. But that wasn't enough. He wasn't satisfied. He had to give more. So in the ultimate act of love, He gave His life not just for his close friends... but as an act of sacrifice for all of us. Jesus gave His life for all of us.

God is love. When we take up permanent residence in a life of love, we live in God and God lives in us.

1 John 4:16b

Love? If we are true Christ-followers we should be pouring out love. We should be giving up our own lives to selflessly love others. Being a Christian is not about guilt. Its not about fear of death or hell. Being a Christian is about love. God is love. His command is to love others. If you are hiding in your soft, comfortable hole while people in need of love are hurting just outside you aren't radiating God's love.

This way, love has the run of the house, becomes at home and mature in us, so that we're free of worry on Judgment Day--our standing in the world is identical with Christ's. There is no room in love for fear. Well-formed love banishes fear. Since fear is crippling, a fearful life--fear of death, fear of judgment--is one not yet fully formed in love.

We, though, are going to love--love and be loved. First we were loved, now we love. He loved us first.

1 John 4:17-19

Jesus doesn't want your selfish confessions. He doesn't want your passive support. He wants you to put down the bulletin, roll up your sleeves and get busy doing His work. There is so much to do friends. Its time to get in motion. Let's go rain down love.

Face down

Face down

poem by Brant Bollman

facedown I find my Father
facedown I loose my pride
facedown I drop my guard
facedown I cried

facedown I was filled
facedown I was set free
facedown I was lifted
facedown within me

not on my own
not on my stead
not on my life
not on my death

not on my strength
not on my mind
not my will
will I ever find

face down before Him
face down in prayer
face down in surrender
stripping away the outer layer

I lay down
and give up control
I lay down
and surrender my soul

I give up
and I give in
I have no answers
No where to begin

You have the wheel
You have the keys
You have my heart
You have my pleas

facedown I find you again
facedown I am made real again
facedown I crawl back to you
facedown in surrender I’m new

Only You

DC*B

Take my heart, I Lay it down
At the feet of you whose crowned
Take my life, I’m letting goI lift it up
to You who’s throned

And I will worship You, Lord
Only You, Lord
And I will bow down before You
Only You Lord

Take my fret, take my fear
All I have, I’m leaving here
Be all my hopes, be all my dreams
You're my delights, be my everything

And It’s just you and me here now
Only you and me here now

NEVER GIVE UP: A Repost... sort of

Some times you are your own best councilor! I posted this blog entry a month ago about a friend that was going through a bout of depression. Now when I read the words it seems like it was written right to me. Here is a slightly edited version that speaks to my current situation.

Don't Close Your Eyes
edited entry originally posted 4/17/2006

It’s easy to get down. It’s easy to loose hope. It’s easy to decide life is meaningless and there is nothing worth living for. But let’s look today at who is behind these thoughts and who has a better way.

Life is inherently unfair. Things happen to us that we do not deserve. Your parents might die in a car wreck when you are little. Your house may burn down and kill your brothers and sister. You may be born with a disease that leaves you crippled and different than everyone else. You may be fat. You may be ugly. Someone may hurt you and make you feel like you are broken. Everyone is promised that sin will wreck their lives. This is a reality of this world. It is a byproduct of the fall. If this was not so, God the Father wouldn’t have had to send his only begotten son to die for that brokenness.

But you still hurt and you still can’t seem to find a way out of your troubles? So you sink low. You wollow in self-pitty. You think about walking away- taking matters into your own hands. Forget God’s plan… you are going on your own!!!

So what is the answer to feelings of despair and hopelessness? Make no mistake; these feelings are a result of the cancer that eats spiritually at this world. This cancer is sin... the devil's tool. There is only one REAL remedy to the sins of the world... Faith in God and the promises made and fulfilled by Jesus on the cross.

We wait in hope for the LORD;

he is our help and our shield. In him our hearts rejoice,

for we trust in his holy name. May your unfailing love rest upon us, O LORD,

even as we put our hope in you.

Psalms 33:20-22

Jesus won't just take your cares if you ask him to, he's begging you to. He loves you and he's calling you. He's watching you suffer and he's pleading for you to cast off the yoke of sin that is weighing you down. He says, "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." (Matthew 11:28)

Salvation isn't just securing eternal security. Salvation is placing trust in the Lord, giving everything to Him... mostly your TRUST! If we believe that Jesus is Lord and place our trust in Him and we walk with Him He becomes in us and we gain a new life in HIM! Our old sins are washed away. We become new creations in HIM! We break our old bonds of sin and become attached to HIM. If you are still a slave to your old sin... let it go and really trust in Jesus... don't just say a prayer... don't just go to the altar... ALTER YOUR LIFE! Jesus is there and He's ready to change you and take away your burdens and give you peace!

We know that we have come to know him if we obey his commands. The man who says, "I know him," but does not do what he commands is a liar, and the truth is not in him. But if anyone obeys his word, God's love is truly made complete in him. This is how we know we are in him: Whoever claims to live in him must walk as Jesus did.

1 John 2:3-6

Transform your life into a reflection of Jesus Christ... never give up or give in to the pressures of the devil... Find forgiveness. Find salvation in Christ. Find new life. Find a new beginning. Don't just go to Jesus... run to him and shout and weep and throw yourself down and give it all too Him.

This is your Life
Switchfoot

yesterday is a wrinkle on your forehead
yesterday is a promise that you've broken
don't close your eyes,
don't close your eyes
this is your life and today is all you've got now
yeah, and today is all you'll ever have
don't close your eyes
don't close your eyes
this is your life, are you who you want to be
this is your life, are you who you want to be

its a beautiful day

Things are so much brighter today its not even real!

Its like a great meteor crashed into the earth yesterday and changed everything. I can feel your prayers. I can feel your love. I can feel the warmth of the sun on the horizon.

Its A Beautiful Day
U2

The heart is a bloom
Shoots up through the stony ground
There's no room
No space to rent in this town
You're out of luck
And the reason that you had to care
The traffic is stuck
And you're not moving anywhere
You thought you'd found a friend
To take you out of this place
Someone you could lend a hand
In return for grace

It's a beautiful day
Sky falls, you feel like
It's a beautiful day
Don't let it get away

I am working on the prom memory video that the junior class sells every year. Flipping through the photographs I can see what fun it was. I see the smiles... I see the laughter. I see the friends. There was an awesome moment when Britta (seen above) asked me to dance. She was last year's junior prom committee leader and we had marched this road before. I love Britta. She is so happy and bubbly. She is a leaguer and gone on two of the past three trips. When she is around I smile.

Touch me
Take me to that other place
Reach me
I know I'm not a hopeless case

What you don't have you don't need it now
What you don't know you can feel it somehow
What you don't have you don't need it now
Don't need it now
Was a beautiful day

In the glow of this wonderful morning I came across in the pile of photos I had to scan this shot of Britta and I acting like fools. It made me smile.

Its a beautiful day.... Don't let it slip away.

What's up with Bollman?

A Crippled Woman Healed on the Sabbath

On a Sabbath Jesus was teaching in one of the synagogues, and a woman was there who had been crippled by a spirit for eighteen years. She was bent over and could not straighten up at all. When Jesus saw her, he called her forward and said to her, "Woman, you are set free from your infirmity." Then he put his hands on her, and immediately she straightened up and praised God.

Indignant because Jesus had healed on the Sabbath, the synagogue ruler said to the people, "There are six days for work. So come and be healed on those days, not on the Sabbath."
The Lord answered him, "You hypocrites! Doesn't each of you on the Sabbath untie his ox or donkey from the stall and lead it out to give it water?

Then should not this woman, a daughter of Abraham, whom Satan has kept bound for eighteen long years, be set free on the Sabbath day from what bound her?"

When he said this, all his opponents were humiliated, but the people were delighted with all the wonderful things he was doing.

Luke 13:10-17

Hey folks, Digger here, your friendly neighborhood emergent church-punk rock- art teacher man... So I am getting tired of hearing people ask me this question so here we go...

What's wrong with Bollman? I think I am having a nervous breakdown! I can't sleep... I can't eat... my mind is in constant turmoil. Why? Oh boy! Here is a short list.

I no longer enjoy my job! I had a chance to leave last year to be a youth minister. And I balked. I urnestly feel God told me to stay... but at the moment I cannot see why!

Prom stress is killing me. I know its over but still... my body is now processing the input from a crazy month. I think I have an ulcer. The fact that my diet at the moment is coffee and Mt. Dew probably isn't helping me either. LOL

My wife and I have been working on some issues. Things have been rough since Charisa's head injury. We are mending things... but sometimes its one step up and two steps back.

I am seriously questioning my calling to be a pastor. If I can't keep my marriage strong then how can I minister to a flock of people? OH MAN!

I have lost confidence in my church. That's all I have to say about that.

I have had a good friendship strained by gossip.

I have my band... That is a sunny spot. But we haven’t played together in a month.

Pray for me... I think I need a shrink! Or just Jesus!

Grace and peace,

Digger

Straighten Up Me
By Brant Bollman

Jesus, I’ve been down so long
Jesus, I’ve been down so long
Trapped and broken sitting all alone
Jesus I’ve been down so long

Chorus:
I come to you, I reach out
Set my burden free
Cut my bounds, water my soul
Lift me up... Straighten up me

Jesus, I can barely stand
Jesus, I can barely stand
Bent and crippled a shadow of my self
Jesus I can barely stand

Repeat Chorus

Jesus I am blind to see
Jesus I am blind to see
Cloaked in darkness shut out from the light
Jesus straighten me

The first couple billion years...

Til Kingdom Come

COLDPLAY

Steal my heart and hold my tongue.
I feel my time, my time has come.
Let me in, unlock the door.
I've never felt this way before.

The wheels just keep on turning,
The drummer begins to drum,
I don't know which way I'm going,
I don't know which way I've come.

Hold my hand inside your hands,
I need someone who understands.
I need someone, someone who hears,
For you, I've waited all these years.

For you, I'd wait 'til kingdom come.
Until my day, my day is done.
And say you'll come, and set me free,
Just say you'll wait, you'll wait for me.

In your tears and in your blood,
In your fire and in your flood,
I hear you laugh, I heard you sing,
"I wouldn't change a single thing."

The wheels just keep on turning,
The drummers begin to drum,
I don't know which way I'm going,
I don't know what I've become.

For you, I'd wait 'til kingdom come,
Until my days, my days are done.
Say you'll come and set me free,
Just say you'll wait, you'll wait for me.
Just say you'll wait, you'll wait for me.
Just say you'll wait, you'll wait for me.

Lights on surface

Camera Man
What do we know? What do we see?
Do I know you? Do you know me?
Some times I ask when the lights are falling low
is there really anything but lights on surfaces, do we know?

Am I like a camera, a catcher of light
just an solemn observatory alone in the night
Peering out across the sky at heavenly bodies shining bright
just out of reach... but always in sight

Some times I feel like a camera machine
a dark hollow chamber with gears and things
But I know this to be false for the pictures I take
rendering with each shutter click another heartache

But I know the light of the world from the beginning was He
a magical part of God given for me
I know that He came to heal broken, lonely men
He can take me and fix me within

I need... I want... I plead... I cry
for Jesus... my Savior to come passing by
And glance at this lonely man hiding with a camera in hand
And pull me from my shadowy corner and heal me... fix me... restore me... Only He can

Psalm 22:1-7, 11

My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?
Why are you so far from saving me,
so far from the words of my groaning?

O my God, I cry out by day, but you do not answer,
by night, and am not silent.

Yet you are enthroned as the Holy One;
you are the praise of Israel.

In you our fathers put their trust;
they trusted and you delivered them.
They cried to you and were saved;
in you they trusted and were not disappointed.

But I am a worm and not a man,
scorned by men and despised by the people.

All who see me mock me;
they hurl insults, shaking their heads:

Do not be far from me,
for trouble is near
and there is no one to help.

Oh, God... never leave me. Be the glue that holds me together. Hold onto the pieces of my heart... Put them back together again. This world takes us to crazy places. We find ourselves in situations we never dreamed. We build up houses. They crumble and fall. Our houses burn down. Our friends fade away. Our dreams slip into the fog. Our plans evaporate. The whispers grow louder. The moments of peace fade into moments of nervous terror. The entire time the house burns... the walls tumble. I am not blameless... I am not like Job. But for some reason You have called on me. I receive You and beg for Your comfort and grace. I need You now more than ever.

Lord, you healed the lepers, you made the lame walk and the blind see. Mend my brokenness... straighten up my crookedness. Remove the scales from my eyes. I am clay in your hands. Don't give up on me. Keep working in me. Sooner or later I will conform to your will.

Faith 101

Today blog entry is a faith statement by a friend of mine named Brenda Hamilton. Brenda passed away a few months ago. She was an inspiration to us all.

Faith 101
Brenda Hamilton

Once again, it's early morning/late night, and I can't sleep. This time there was no doubt that I had to get up and write this message to you. I can't count the number of times in the past months that someone has looked at me in awe and said, "I can't believe the faith you have! I could never have that kind of faith." And then I am always seemingly at a loss for words, except to say, "Well, if you were in my situation, I'll bet your faith would be pretty strong too." That's a terrible answer, and the Bible says I'm supposed to be able to give an answer to everyone who asks about the hope I have. I woke up at 4:00a.m. and knew that it was time to give that answer. So here goes...."Brenda's Sermon on How to Have the Kind of Faith She Has -- 101". :o)

My mom always told me that I had to be "saved" to go to Heaven. We went to Sunday School and church every Sunday (sat on the left side, middle row -- Mom and Dad still sit there). Of course, I was a typical (or maybe not) teenager...doing some pretty bad stuff...and didn't want to be weird and have to give up my friends, fun, and partying ways to be a "Christian." Finally, though, when I was a junior in college, I decided I had better get my life (and especially my eternal life) figured out, and I made a decision to trust Christ as my Savior.

Here's what that means:

1) I knew I was a sinner (no question about that!). But the reality is that we all sin, even Mother Teresa, our pastors, and the most moral people we know. Romans 3:23 says "For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God." You see, God is perfect, and anything less than perfection isn't good enough in comparison to His glory.

2) I knew that my sin (even one) would keep me from getting to Heaven. Romans 6:23a says "For the wages of sin is death..." Because God is Holy, He can't allow sin into Heaven. So basically, we're all doomed to hell because of our sin. Not good!

3) I knew that God loved me because He provided a solution. Back in Old Testament times, people had to make sacrifices (lots of dead animals and other gross things) for every little sin in order to have forgiveness. Well, God provided the final sacrifice for all of our sins when He"...gave His only begotten Son that whoever believes in Him will not perish [go to hell] but have eternal life [in Heaven!]." John 3:16b. Jesus died a cruel death just so that I could be with Him in Heaven...now that's love.

4) I knew that Jesus Christ was the only solution. John 14: 6 says "I [Jesus] am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father [God] except through me." And He offers this as a gift...you know, like one you give to someone you love. "...but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord." Romans 6:23b.

5) I knew that the only thing I could/had to do was accept (through FAITH) this gift of salvation. God's grace...His undeserved love...provided the complete, final solution. All I had to do was trust in Him. In fact, there was nothing I could do to earn His love and grace. Ephesians 2:8-9 says "For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith -- and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God -- not by works, so that no one can boast." Baptism, church attendance, loving my neighbor, and all that other good stuff didn't amount to anything as far as getting to Heaven. We can't EARN our way there. It's all about God's grace... and our faith.

6) I knew that once I accepted God's gift, I was His child...a new creation...with a home in Heaven. Somewhere in the Bible...sorry, can't remember where...it says that we are "joint heirs with Jesus." That means once we become Christians, we are God's children, with all the rights and privileges of the family...pretty cool, huh?

Now, I'm not saying I instantly became a "saint", but a change had been made in my heart, and I knew I was a child of God. The change was very gradual over the next 17 years...a few steps toward God (see...He never moves...we do), then a few more steps backwards. Maybe you can relate. But on Nov. 20, 2003, when I was diagnosed with Stage 4b cancer (which means it can't get any worse), boy...did my faith kick into gear in a big way.

One of my most vivid memories of this whole cancer experience was driving home from the hospital that November day. I had basically just been told that I would die from this cancer. I can't imagine a much heavier load (except if it had been one of my children in my place). While poor Ron drove us home on Interstate 680, I literally wailed and sobbed from the very bottom of my soul. I cried out loud to God. "Please, God, if you're there...carry this load for me. I can't do it. It's impossible to carry...it's way too heavy. Please, God...carry this load...carry this load." The crying/praying continued for about 30 minutes. Then as we continued to drive, God...in His gentle, loving way...said to me (He really said it!), "Brenda, I've been where you are. I know how you feel. I know it's scary. It's o.k. I've suffered too. But you don't have to be afraid... because I died so that you don't have to be scared. I have a home in Heaven for you when it's time. I love you." And instantly I felt His peace as He lifted me up and began to carry my load...and me. He's continued to carry me and my family ever since, and He'll do the same for you.

I hear lots of cancer stories these days. It's an "occupational hazard." One time a lady was telling me about a friend of hers who had cancer, and I think she was trying to make me feel better when she blurted out "But he's terminal." Terminal. Hmmm. Terminal. We all are, aren't we? I mean, really, we're all going to die someday. If nothing else, I hope that my "story" reminds us all of that. And I pray that the faith you see in me tells you that there is hope for the dying ...and joy in the living. Because, you see...only my body is dying...my soul already belongs to Jesus, and I'm joyful in the fact that He's holding me up, giving me peace, and preparing me to meet Him someday.

If you haven't ever placed your trust in the free gift of God for your eternal salvation, please do. You need to. All you have to do is pray and tell God that you know you're a sinner and you need His grace to save you. Then take Him at His word and accept His free gift. Please tell me if you make that decision, and let me know if I can do anything to help you, answer questions, pray with/for you. You are all so special to me, and I love you.

Brenda :o)

THIS GENERATION

Yesterday I went to a Casting Crowns concert with Kiah, Erin, Amanda, Chris Williams and Calla. It was a blast. The music was so good and the fellowship was refueling. It’s been easy to get drained lately with all the spiritual warfare that the devil has shot my way. Missiles and bombs blast my way… but my eyes focused on Christ, I still press on.

Psalm 100

1 Shout for joy to the LORD, all the earth.

2 Worship the LORD with gladness; come before him with joyful songs.

3 Know that the LORD is God. It is he who made us, and we are his; we are his people, the sheep of his pasture.

4 Enter his gates with thanksgiving and his courts with praise; give thanks to him and praise his name.

5 For the LORD is good and his love endures forever;his faithfulness continues through all generations

His faithfulness endures through all generations, friends. And oh the special plans He has laid out for this group of millennials. Things are changing. How we worship, how we relate to God is shifting. These kids are preparing for a closer communion than our mothers and fathers knew. His glory and power will be revealed in their lives in ways we never imagined. More and more I feel that my job is to facilitate this growth. Like a lightening rod for change I will do whatever my God leads me to do bring these kids closer to the Lord.

Lord, bring on the lightning. AMEN!