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You Are So Good To Me
Third Day

You poured out all Your blood
You died upon the cross
You are my Jesus who loves me

You are beautiful my sweet, sweet song
You are beautiful my sweet, sweet song

Breathe

I have found a modern psalm on my new Dashboard CD. It’s a song of desperation. It’s a song of last resorts... of reaching the end of your rope. I so know that feeling. I am there. I am ready for a shift. I am ready for a change. I am ready to molt. I need to break free and stretch my new wings and fly.


Reason to Believe
by Dashboard Confessional
Steady lungs don’t fail me know
I feel you bursting, but you wont let me die
Fill me up with every step, I'm feeling sick
But I'm leaving it behind

Just one more breath I beg you please
Just one more step you are not weak
My legs are sturdy but they need you to survive
My heart is sturdy but I need you

Breathe
Don’t you want to breathe
I know that you are strong enough to handle what i need
My capillaries scream
There’s nothing left to feed on
My body needs a reason to cross the line
Will you carry me there once more

I feel so changed by recent events. I feel tossed from the safe little nest were I was lovingly brought back to the faith. Its almost like God gave me this safe little harbor where I could return, slowly, step by step till I was back in the Father's arms. Then HE gave me a place to hone my craft.... where I could let the gifts buried inside develop and grow. In this nest I found my voice. I learned who I was called to be. I learned who and how I was called to serve. But like all nests... even like all cocoons, the season comes when its time to spread your wings and find the next big challenge.

It’s time to fly.... time to be more. It’s time to be bigger and better. The nest is gone. It’s never coming back again. It’s blown down and tumbled to the ground in a crash. So I have to fly and look for the next big thing.

PSALM 27
1 The LORD is my light and my salvation—
whom shall I fear?
The LORD is the stronghold of my life—
of whom shall I be afraid?


2 When evil men advance against me
to devour my flesh,
when my enemies and my foes attack me,
they will stumble and fall


3 Though an army besiege me,
my heart will not fear;
though war break out against me,
even then will I be confident.


4 One thing I ask of the LORD,
this is what I seek:
that I may dwell in the house of the LORD
all the days of my life,
to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD
and to seek him in his temple.


5 For in the day of trouble
he will keep me safe in his dwelling;
he will hide me in the shelter of his tabernacle
and set me high upon a rock.


6 Then my head will be exalted
above the enemies who surround me;
at his tabernacle will I sacrifice with shouts of joy;
I will sing and make music to the LORD.


7 Hear my voice when I call, O LORD;
be merciful to me and answer me.


In David's lyrics, he often describes just how dire the situation has become. He is stranded. He is lost. He's down in the dumps, trapped in the mire. Shadows are all around. Enemies are coming to kill him. He's gonna die for sure... but he never fears.... because his God is GOD! And God is big enough to give him exactly what he needs to make it through. God delivers. God has a plan. God is strong enough to handle what he needs.

In my dark times, which there have been many in the past months as the bow broke and the nest fell to the ground, I have learned some important things. I learned that I should not look to my own efforts, my own reason or my own strength, for I am only a man. But I can look to my comforter. I will rely on the Spirit. He is everything I need. I need Him so. My body craves Him more than oxygen. My capillaries scream for that sweet breath... I need to burn in the Spirit... and oh yes... He carries me. He takes me up and restores me, reminds me of my goal, of my drive, of my mission. He sets me back on my feet and sends me back out again.

I have a reason to believe. And I'm getting ready to seek that next great chapter of my mission. Stick close friends. It will be an adventure.

Seed

Seed

I am a seed
Cast upon the ground I am

A seed
And I struggle to reach and grow

Stretching out my roots to find
The nutrients of the soil so I might change
So I might stretch

Oh to flower, to bare fruit, to produce….
Oh to give

A seed
Fighting raven and rock,
Thistles and thorns

But I am determined
I yearn to reach and stretch and grow

I want to flower
I must bare fruit
I must find good soil for the sower.

Jesus is not an ATM Machine!

In the morning, as they went along, they saw the fig tree withered from the roots. Peter remembered and said to Jesus, "Rabbi, look! The fig tree you cursed has withered!"

"Have faith in God," Jesus answered. "I tell you the truth, if anyone says to this mountain, 'Go, throw yourself into the sea,' and does not doubt in his heart but believes that what he says will happen, it will be done for him. Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours. And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins."

Mark 11:20-26


I went to a different kind of church on Sunday. It was filled with good brothers and sisters in Jesus Christ. But they did an amazing thing. They prayed for checks to fill their mailboxes and money to line their pockets. They prayed for profits and promotions. They prayed for advancement and status. They said that if you are not prospering financially then you must being making the Father angry and aren't properly fearing Him. They said to pray for prosperity in Jesus' name and He can't refuse your requests.

HMMMM. I believe these are good folks. They have good intentions. But that isn't the faith that I have come to know. My Jesus is not an ATM machine. I am not a teenager running to Him asking to borrow the car keys or asking for an extra 20 dollars for my allowance.

I do believe in prayer. I believe in fearing the Father-God. I believe in obedience to the Living Lord. I believe that prayers are answered. I believe He always answers our prayers but sometimes He just says 'NO!’ He doesn't always give us what we WANT.... But He always gives us what we NEED. And that is so much more important.

My spiritual Guru is Calla Johnson. She is so much wiser than I am. She is always talking about what grace truly is. It’s hard to understand. Grace isn’t a free ticket to do what ever you want. Grace isn’t a shopping spree through life. GRACE IS GOD’S UNCODITIONAL LOVE FOR US. Calla says that grace is God giving us not what we selfishly want… but what we DESPERATELY NEED to survive. We need Jesus’ death on the cross. We need to confess at His feet and we need to follow Him. We need to spread His Good News to others and love others in His name. We need these things like we need water in the desert… or light in the darkness. We need it like oxygen.

Our prayers are answered. We sometimes get what we want. But it seems that the more in tune we are with His word, the more we walk in His ways the more we delight in His will, the more we ask for those things that we truly need. We stop praying for more money and faster cars and we start asking to be made more in His image or to be placed in a position to help those in need.

When we stop being selfish and start asking how we can help our neighbor… then we have become Christ-like. Then our prayers are answered. Jesus isn’t an ATM… He is a life preserver.

NEVER GIVE UP!

Watching the tears roll down the cheeks of the kids that I love, the veil of what the church stands for was torn down. It was ripped in twain. I saw hurt. I saw disbelief in what the church was doing.

I thought, ‘how many of these kids will be scarred forever by witnessing this event?’

They aren’t merely ‘children’… these are members of the body of Christ. They have given their hearts to the Risen Lord. They have given their time and their sweat and their effort to this church. They have given the sacrifice of worship. And now, that thing that they loved, that they held ownership in was being ripped apart.

No adult asked them what they felt or what they had seen. The-powers-that-be had a choice, and they chose to blindly follow one man over these ‘children’, these members of their church, these workers, these saved souls, these people who are the future of the church. Their minds were made up long before any of us walked into that council room.

Sometimes, late at night, my heart sinks. I think about all that I have lost. I think about my youth group that was torn from me. I think about my reputation that was drug through the mud. I think about the lies and the rumors that people have spread about me and the pain this caused my closest loved ones. And I think about the emotional toll this attack caused on my own spirit. I can feel sorry for myself. I can slip into a deep abyss of my own self-pity.

But friends, then I think of the real victims. Forget about me… I have often said I wish to be like a vessel of wine spilt onto the ground as a living sacrifice. But then I think of those eyes, tears streaming down their cheeks. I think of the disillusionment of those kids. What damage has been done in the name of religion? How many of these kids will never be a part of a church again? Or those who are forced to go with their families, what will they do in a year or two when they go to college? Will they walk away from their faith? Will the hurt caused by this church mar them for life? I pray no.

The church can do terrible things. It can tear apart beautiful things. Over and over again, fear and want of power have brought about terrible pain and atrocities in the name of religiosity and God. The crusaders murdered and plundered. The Spanish Inquisition displaced, tortured and killed. Closer to home, the Klu Klux Klan used the guise of religion to spread violence, hatred and terror. These are just a few examples of religion’s handy work.

But should judgment run amuck and over-zealousness cause us to abandon the whole thing? Should we through the baby out with the bathwater? Do we give up on God and go it alone because we have seen the evil MAN has done in HIS name?

A friend of mine who has been as attacked as I have through this whole event said something amazing to me the other day. She went to a big rock service in Des Moines. There she was rocking out to the praise and worship music with her hands in the air. She was into every element of the service. But then, during announcements, the pastor spoke about their upcoming annual meeting and the election of a new council. She said her heart sunk. Just the word 'council' had so much baggage attached to it. It made her want to get up and walk out of the church. But she said that she will never give up on JESUS!

And then it comes full circle. The end of my Rob Bell book deals with this exact subject. Read his words but know that they are mine as well. They are a challenge, a plea. Never give up. Never lose your faith in the man that climbed up the tree and gave all so that we might live. Never give up on Jesus.

Velvet Elvis: Repainting the Christian Faith

by Rob Bell

I am like you. I have seen plenty done in the name of God that I'm sure God doesn't want anything to do with. I have lots of reasons for bailing on the whole thing.

I am also like you because I have a choice. To become bitter, cynical, jaded, and hard. Anybody can do that. A lot have. Hatred is a powerful, unifying force. And there is a lot to be repulsed by.

Or, like you, I can choose to reclaim my innocence. We can choose to reclaim our innocence together. We can insist that hope is real and that a group of people who love God and others really can change the world. We can reclaim our idealism and our belief and our confidence in the big ideas that stir us deep in our bones. We can commit all the more to being the kinds of people who are learning hoe to do what Jesus teaches us.

I am not going to stop dreaming of a new kind of faith for the millions of us who need it. I am not going to stop dreaming of new kinds of communities that put the love of God and the brilliance of Jesus on display in honest, compelling ways. I am not going to stop dreaming of new ways to live lives of faith and creativity and meaning and significance.

But I can't do it alone. I need you. We need you. We need to rediscover wonder and awe. We need you to believe that it is really possible. We need you to join us.

It's better that way.

It's what Jesus had in mind.

pp. 176-177

It was love

It was love when they drove nails into his hands,
when they put him on a cross and he bore the sins of man.

It was love when the stone was rolled away
He ascended into heaven, He'll return on judgement day.

It was LOVE!

I want to be like Jesus!

These seven verses will identify me for the rest of my life.


Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus:

Who, being in very nature God,
did not consider equality with God something to be grasped,
but made himself nothing,
taking the very nature of a servant,
being made in human likeness.

And being found in appearance as a man,
he humbled himself
and became obedient to death—
even death on a cross!

Therefore God exalted him to the highest place
and gave him the name that is above every name,
that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow,
in heaven and on earth and under the earth,
and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord,
to the glory of God the Father.

What a motto to live by. What a creed, a pledge, an oath.

Be like Jesus!

HE was superman... even more super than superman. But he didn't want it. He gave it away. He gave away His awesomeness so that we may life. He served us in love. He served as much as he could. He even died on a cross for us. He could have been superman... but he humbled himself and died for us.

Se we can win. So that the good guys win. Someday we will have a big awesome pep rally... everything will worship GOD! Everything will fall down and thank Him for His gift... His awesome gift of restoration.

I love these seven verses. They are a part of me forever.

BE LIKE JESUS!

INK

The deed is done!

Heroes

I watched a film at Joel's church last night. It was about 9-11.

There is hope in the darkest hour. There is light in the darkness. Even when we are gripped by shadows we are fine. For the shadows prove the sunshine.

In the darkness, the crumpled mass of mangled steel and concrete, in the belly of the brokeness there was hope. Jesus' cross stood. All who say it fell to their knees. There at the darkness hour, when our heroes were needing to see the light, swallowed whole by the maddess, there they saw hope. They found Jesus.

There is hope in the darkness. Jesus can shine through even the darkest night.

Learn more about the Cross and the Towers by clicking here.

God, thank you for the men and women who were heroes on 9-11. AMEN!

Safe

Going on from that place, he went into their synagogue, and a man with a shriveled hand was there. Looking for a reason to accuse Jesus, they asked him, "Is it lawful to heal on the Sabbath?"

He said to them, "If any of you has a sheep and it falls into a pit on the Sabbath, will you not take hold of it and lift it out? How much more valuable is a man than a sheep! Therefore it is lawful to do good on the Sabbath."

Then he said to the man, "Stretch out your hand." So he stretched it out and it was completely restored, just as sound as the other. But the Pharisees went out and plotted how they might kill Jesus.

Matthew 12:9-14

Safe

What is safe?

Was Jesus safe?

Was his ministry safe?

Was his message safe?

Was his path safe?

No... It was radical. It was earth shaking, life altering. It was light in the darkness. It was radical. It was dangerous... it was anything but safe.

After many of Jesus' miracles, there is a passage about the reaction of the legalists in mainstream religion. They would flock together and whisper about how dangerous this outsider was. His message challenged the entire balance of the world. He was dangerous. He had to be stopped. They wanted to destroy his message, his mission and in fact, the plotted to KILL HIM.

Jesus still isn't safe. When we choose to follow him... truly follow him, we are going against the flow. We are going counter culture. We are being radicals. We are rebelling against the very system of this world that Jesus fought... and just like Jesus, the powers that be will hate you. They will plot to destroy you. They will lie and cheat. They will slander and they may even try to harm you... but the trick is, the more we are persecuted, the more we are attacked, the more we are beaten, the more into Jesus' image we became. And when we fade and Jesus is left there, that is when we gain. We become something more.

Thank you to all who hate me. God bless all who despised our radical mission to save souls. Thank you to all who whisper and plot. Your actions are refining us daily.

Bollman's Back

In honor of Rally Sunday I am retiring the moniker "Digger".

I'm reverting back to Bollman, Mr. B or Brant.

Grace and Peace,

Bollman

Grumpies

I have always wondered how some teachers get so grumpy. I have worked with a number of teachers through the years that just seem unhappy. They hate their jobs, they hate their co-workers and, most disturbing to me, they seem to truly hate kids. I entered this career with a passion for youth. I received a BFA in painting from the University of Iowa and was showing my abstract paintings in the late 90's when I completely by accident discovered this love. As you can imagine, abstract paintings don't really pay the bills, so I worked nights at a supermarket service counter doing anything from late night bottle redemption to running the video rental counter. I tired of this job. All of my coworkers were brace-faced teens. I wanted something more suited for a college graduate. So I took a job as the activities coordinator at a Before and After School Program in Iowa City. This is where I discovered that I have a natural talent and intrinsic love for working with youth.

I played basketball with the kids. We did skits and drew pictures. We baked snacks and made puppets. We played foursquare and board games. I found my calling. I could wade into the sea of kids and we would have a blast. It wasn't long before I was back getting my teaching degree.

For years and years I have said that I love my job. I love entire process. I love the fun of teaching the lesson and the joy of painting and drawing. I can incorporate my music, my story telling, my jokes into the fun. And the kids love me. I have never been the kind of art teacher that was overly concerned with the products the students create. The process of thinking creatively is far more important to me. I want the students to think and grow. I love seeing that spark in their little eyes.

So it amazes me when I come face to face with those teaches that seem mad at the world. They resent their jobs, they resent their daily tasks and sadly they hate the bright eyes of the little kids that they are called to teach.

How do you get this way? How do you go from that idealistic student-teacher to that old grumpy curmudgeon barreling down the hallway? I have often wondered. Yesterday I think I caught a glimpse of the process..

I was walking through the halls on my way to teach a class. I was all alone. I was thinking about my job. I was thinking of all the extra unpaid things that I have done through the years to enrich the lives of the students. I thought of all the free things I have done for the community in which I teach. Suddenly I thought of all those acts of service, unreimbursed acts of kindness and how I have been repaid. I caught myself grumbling under my breath. I thought, "They don't deserve these things!" I thought bitterly. "And I won't be giving my efforts to them anymore."

But then I thought of Joseph. I thought of his service in Egypt. How did Joseph serve? He did his best. No matter how he was rewarded, no matter what he was called to do, Joseph did his best because God wants us to do our best and be a shining example to others.

This has really made me think. I can't let the bad attitudes of others drag me down. I can't let what others have done to me and the ones I love change me or my actions. I will continue to love and serve, as Christ would want me to. And everything else, all that I can't control, I will give to my Lord.

The Light of the World

In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was with God in the beginning.

Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made. In him was life, and that life was the light of men. The light shines in the darkness, but the darkness has not understood it.
John 1:1-5

The words of a poet. My favorite gospel, The Gospel of John, starts out with this beautiful abstract depiction of the origins of Jesus. The Savior wasn't brought into the world in a manger. No, His story starts much, much earlier.

In the beginning. There, at the start... before there was anything but God and His truth, God and His perfectness, God and His almighty rightness, there He was. There was my Jesus. He was right there. He was with the Father. But more importantly... HE WAS A PART OF GOD.

This is hard for our brains to understand... but the abstract thinker I am, I love this. Its poetic, its mythical, its fantastic. God and Jesus, together... in the beginning. And Jesus was the creative spark by which all things were made.
WOW!!!

He was in the world, and though the world was made through him, the world did not recognize him. He came to that which was his own, but his own did not receive him.
John 1:1o

But then the story gets more amazing. Jesus, the Light of the World was shot down into darkness. He became like us. Even though it was by way of Him that everything was made, He came and became a little part of it... threw himself into the middle of the maelstrom... all to send His brilliant light into the darkness.

Yet to all who received him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God— children born not of natural descent, nor of human decision or a husband's will, but born of God. The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the One and Only, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth.
John 1:11-14

And then the mind blowing conclusion... We can receive Him. This light can come and dwell in us. We can have that Light that was there, a part of God in the beginning, right here in our chests. We can be the light send down to brighten the darkness.
But think about this, friends. How is the light shining through you? How are you using the Light of World to lighten the darkness? The true task a Christian should be lighting those darkened recesses of the world so that more can see the greatness of our God.

Lord, help me be the light.

Temple

I have been reading alot and writing even more about what the church has been, what it is now and what it is evolving into. This entire process, called the Emergent Church movement, has become my passion in life. I want to discover a deeper well and draw fresh water. No longer am I statisfied with the old paradigm of what religion is, what faith is, what church is. I want more.

I have found there are many like me. They are tired but still thirsty. They are not satisfied but they still seek. They want more but will not settle for the old recipe.

This quest has met resistance. I have been told that I am trying to harm the body of Christ, that my mission as an emergent worship leader is somehow damaging to the institution of the church. Interesting...

I have been told that if I truly loved Jesus like I claim to do I would stop hurting His church... Hmmmm. Food for thought.

This sort of statement creates interesting questions. What is the Body of Christ? What is His Church? How has it been harmed? When is it healthy? When is it powerful? Who owns the title "HIS CHURCH?" Hmmmm. Let me state quite clearly that NO ONE OWNS a patent on the body of Christ. No one group, no one belief, no one building is the True Body of Christ.

What is a church really? This is the ultimate question. Is the church the big brick buildings that line our city streets? Or are those just buildings? My good friend Cody Haner is always insisting that the real church, the church that Jesus sees, doesn't have anything at all to do with those brick buildings. In fact, he preaches that this kind of church is just a building. It’s just four walls. He says that our body is the temple. We are to build within ourselves the holy place of worship.

So what of body of Christ? The body of Christ is awesome. It is powerful. It cannot be destroyed. Evil tried to break it. Back on that dark Friday night they tried to destroy it. They whipped it, they beat it and they broken it down. But it would not be defeated. After three days it came back together again.



Friends, the body of Christ is the assemblage of faithful believers where ever they may gather in Jesus' name. The church is alive in basements in China. The church is alive in prison cells and soup kitchens. The church is alive in the Sudan. The church is alive here. We believe. We seek. We find. We can make an aluminum machine shed into a church. We can make a rusty old van into a church. We can make our bodies into a church.

I want my life to be a neon sign that points to the Lord. That's all I'm trying to do. I am not telling anyone that my way is right or the only way. I am just sharing what works for me. And if you feel disenfranchised by the traditional church come look at what my wild bunch of radical Jesus Freaks are doing. We are just sharing the Gospel. Sharing the Good News that Jesus is alive and powerful today.

No one who calls on Jesus, faithfully follows His call and loves his neighbor in Christian love can harm the body of Christ. In fact, they are building a stronger church, a church that moves and loves and reaches and grows. A church that goes where others are scared to go, reaching the cold, the poor and hurt, the needy. That is what Jesus wanted His church to do. That is where Jesus went. He reached into the darkness to spread the light.

BE THE LIGHT!

Mailing List

Hey friends,

The boys from Thrown are creating a new mailing list to keep friends up-to-date on upcoming performaces, service opportunities and band news. If you are interested in joining the mailing list please shoot us an email to the link down below.

JOIN EMAIL LIST

You must resend us your email address even if you were on our old list. We will not use your email address for anything but the above described email list.

Grace and Peace,

Digger

Thrown Sunday Night at 7:00

EMERGENT WORSHIP EXPERIENCE:
Thrown will be playing in Robertson's garage Sunday night at 7:00 (not the Grove as earlier announced). Immerse yourself in the joy or expressive worship. This is your music, your message, your way. We will be located one quarter mile east of Elk Horn. You can't miss it!

Come out and worship the Lord with us. 7:00pm till we get tired of rocking! Bring a friend, a chair or blanket and something to drink. We may through around a Frisbee or football as well.

We may shrink in number with many people gone on vacation, but we will rock all the harder.

Grace and peace,

Digger

PS: Remember what Rob Bell has taught us-

What is church? Is it a place? A time, like two hours on Sunday?

Church are people, who's hearts are beating more and more like God's.

-Rob Bell