Frustration

I have never felt so frustrated in my life.

I feel like a dammed up river that is about to explode.

Nothing is giving me peace anymore except praise and worship.

What does this mean? Are you changing me Lord? Is this some sort of fire that will purify me? Or is this the shedding of dry skin.

I don't know but I could scream at the top of my lunges. I hate this dying world. I had the scent of sin that permeates everything. I hate pain, I hate suffering. I hate corruption. I hate how the big guy wins and the little guy takes it on the chin. I hate it.

COME! Come savior. Make the poor rich and the weak strong. I WANT YOUR PRESENCE. I want you NOW.

I am so frustrated I can't stand still. SHATTER THIS WORLD... BREAK THIS DEAD DUSTY PLANE! Make me new again.

Who's Your Daddy?

Am I now trying to win the approval of men or of God?  Or am I trying to
please men?  If I were still trying to please men I would not be a servant
of Christ. 
Galatians 1:10 NIV   


Its very telling in life to stop every now and then and look about and check yourself.  I have been doing this myself lately.  I don't want to live to make people happy.  I don't want to be a slave to popularity.  I want my life to be for a high purpose.  Perhaps I can live to please God and not people. 

We can only serve one master.  If we care more what a certain group of people think that what God wants from us we are not following Him.  Sometimes being a Christ-follower requires us to stand up against the crowd and do hard things.  We we do that, and suffer here on earth, we gain great reward in heaven. 

Who's your daddy?  Who's eyes are you trying to impress?

Shooting Rubberbands at the Moon

Its silly how dense we can be sometimes. We let happiness pass over us like a cool breeze without even noticing... then we take wild hay-maker punches at silly things that really don't make us happy.

Trying to make yourself happy is like shooting rubberbands at the moon. We just don't have the firepower to get it done. We need a bigger power to fill us up and give us meaning.

Sunday I played bass in church. It made me feel so so good. Then I stumble my own to my car and head back out into my own silly life of rubberband shooting and hay-maker punch swinging... And I am oblivious to the moment where I felt the feeling of peace inside of my own skin that I have so been craving!

Its silly.. I think we have some sort of innate desire to make OURSELVES happy. Its like we are Adam trying to wrestle the wheel of destiny out of God's hands and do it ourselves. But that course ALWAYS leaves us empty and in the ditch.

So... shooting rubberbands is foolish. But seeking that deeper source of joy is live-giving water. I need to yield the reigns and stop the attempts to make good on my own. I need to let a better Driver take the wheel.