This Is Your Life

Last year I quit my job. Generation Genesis was going strong and my band was doing well. I felt like I was finally becoming someone I wanted to be. Working with youth made me feel so fufilled. So when a large Lutheran Church in Omaha contacted me about becoming the new youth pastor I was pumped. I interviewed and was offered the job. It paid well, decent benefits. The were only two problems:
1) we would have to move and leave my teaching gig.
2) they said I had to decide right away.

This didn't give me the time to pray over the decision that I felt deep in my soul that I needed.

So I accepted the job and resigned my position at EH-K. Leaving the classroom to work with youth had to be what God would want me to do... or so I hoped. I told my Thursday morning bible study first. They were devastated. They bawled and bawled. I remember Erin Greve coming into my room all by herself and she gave me a big hug. “Why do you have to go?” She whaled in an unusually loud voice.

There were three weeks where I was in transition. I was still working at the school but preparing to move to Omaha. This whole time I had this strange, sinking feeling that I might have made the wrong decision. But going to work at a big church had to be the more ‘Godly’ thing… or so I told myself. But I sort of knew in my heart that I was making a major, major mistake.

After a visit to speak with some leaders at the church, I saw that bigger isn’t always better. I really got the feeling that they were trying to make youth group like McDonalds. They were pushing for 300 served. Quantity seemed more important than quality of worship experience. I kind of knew that this wasn’t going to be a good fit. But still I pushed on with the idea… “This is the ‘Godly’ thing to do.”

Then prom night came. I am the prom sponsor and we put on a lovely prom. During the decorating the night before, Britta Larsen, one of my Luther League kids asked if we could have a group prayer to pray for a good prom. Everyone agreed and we huddled up and everyone prayed. It was so nice. It was God’s way of showing me how much of an impact I had over the kids. Prayer was becoming a part of their lives. But still, I was going to do the Lord’s work.

Prom night was filled with mixed emotions. It went real well. But I was leaving these kids behind. In the school van on my way home, all by myself, I was praying. “Lord, why do I feel so hollow. Why does this feel so wrong? Show me a sign of where I am supposed to go and what I am supposed to be. But not my will but yours be done.”

The moment I said those words, a Switchfoot song came on the radio. It was a clear message on what to do. The song asks, “This is your life, are you who you want to be?” After much contemplation I came to a decision. Do I want to work with these kids and watch them grow as artists and as Christians? The answer was yes, I want to be here with these youth. I got my old job back here at school and announced that I was returning to my kids. It was a joyous celebration.

Since then, my choice to stay has been validated over and over. This is where I am supposed to be.