The Big D

So I haven't been blogging. I haven't been doing much of anything but thinking. I have gone through some radical changes. Lately I have been lamenting how much my life is lost from two years ago. Change isn't ever easy. But it's what life is all about.

Sometimes in life we change like a butterfly. We are all ugly and gross... then we go through this amazing seeker-stage where we are transformed into something much more wonderful. Then... BOOM! We come out and we are beautifully transformed. We spread our wings and soar.

Other times our change is less graceful. Sometimes we transform like a snake molting. We shed our old, dry skin and wriggle out into the world. The change is slow, painful and cumbersome. Like growing too large for a favorite suitcoat. The buttons stretch and we labor to squeeze back into it time and time again. Finally we give it up and are forced to change.

We can debate the road that got us here. We can live in the past of shouldas and wouldas and couldas. But living in the past is really a waste of the greatest gift God has given us... Hey! I just quoted Lindy on this blog. COOL!

All of the struggles and fights and issues that brought me to this place in life are all in the past. And now I sit here and look at a road before and I must move on.

I went to the mandatory Children in the Middle class for couples going through divorce the other day. It really made me stop and think. But what I learned most from the class came from the people around me. They were just so darn angry at their former spouses. "How dare they move on! How dare they do these things..." they ranted and raved with hatred in their eyes. WOW! How sobering.

I don't know exactly what Jesus thinks of my divorce. I don't know if He shed a tear in heaven as the events unfolded. I don't know if He shook His head in anger at the choices we made or hollered down to us to change this or that. But I do know one thing... one thing for sure. Jesus doesn't want me to hate my ex-wife. He doesn't want me to go through life bitter and harbouring pain and anguish for things she did or is doing now. No, Jesus wants me to make peace with her and to be her friend. He wants me to come to terms with my mistakes, apologize to her for them and to work to become a better person. But He doesn't want me to live in a past of shouldas, wouldas and couldas.

There are things that I must do now in the new life that is emerging for me. I must be the best parent that I can be. And those of you on the inside... those of you that know me, you all realize how much that means to me. You know how much time and energy I devote to those two little creative beings. I must rebuild my world with the friends around me and truly be the best friend that I can possibly be. I must also be the best Christ-follower that i can be. And I'm starting to figure it out. Ego blinds us from a vital true. Being a Christ-follower isn't about how right and perfect WE are... its about how devote we are to HIM. He was right and perfect for us. I will speak more on that at the Feb 11th G-squared.

Grace and Peace

Bollman