The Following blog entry was originally posted on 2/25/06 after a folk jam with my old friends Tom Potts, Terry Crosley and the gang in Kimballton. I was listening to The Beautiful Letdown the other day and it brought me right back here- to that moment- contemplating tears on the West Virginia mission trip.
WAYFARING STRANGER
I am a poor wayfaring stranger,
While traveling through this world of woe.
Yet there’s no sickness, toil nor danger
In that bright world to which I go.
I’m going there to see my Father;
I’m going there no more to roam.
I’m only going over Jordan,
I’m only going over home.
I know dark clouds will gather round me;
I know my way is rough and steep.
But golden fields lie out before me
Where God’s redeemed shall ever sleep.
I’m going there to see my mother,
She said she’d meet me when I come.
I’m only going over Jordan,
I’m only going over home.
I’ll soon be free from every trial,
My body sleep in the churchyard;
I’ll drop the cross of self denial
And enter on my great reward.
I’m going there to see my Savior,
To sing His praise forevermore.
I’m only going over Jordan,
I’m only going over home.
We are just travelers here. Whether you are cognoscente of it or not, you too are on a road to a different place. For a long stretch of my life I was working so hard to heap up things that matter in this world. I cared about status and money and such. I was focused on the things in front of me. That is all I could... all I could imagine.
"Don't hoard treasure down here where it gets eaten by moths and corroded by rust or--worse!-stolen by burglars. Stockpile treasure in heaven, where it's safe from moth and rust and burglars. It's obvious, isn't it? The place where your treasure is, is the place you will most want to be, and end up being.
Then the revelation came during that summer mission trip to Charleston, WV. The Lord utilized me in ways I had never imagined. I felt the Holy Spirit working in me, changing me into someone else. I helped kids grow closer to Christ and blossom spiritually. I had always been the teacher that everyone loved. It was so rewarding to transform that student/teacher relationship into one of a spiritual leader. At a foot washing ceremony on the last night of our mission trip we all prayed and prayed. I really opened myself up to God and let Him use me unconditionally. I could feel Old Adam dying and Christ building up a new better person in me.
We shared many hugs, many tears and truly felt the Spirit move. I knew then I had found my calling. I found a quiet corner and prayed, “This evening is the start of a new life for me. I hold nothing back from you Lord. Every part of me belongs to You. Use me as You will.” I wanted to be just as energized and passionate about Jesus EVERYDAY of my life as I was on mission trips.
This was a moment I will never forget. I sat in the men's dorm room weeping for hours into the night... but I was gitty. I just kept on thinking... so this is what life is about! I had found 'it'. And to think, I had been wasting my efforts on other things... when the whole time, 'it' was right here for free. It was a beautiful letdown when I realized that I had everything backwards. Real joy comes from sharing God's light with others. Before, I taught about great artists like Picasso and Pollock. Now I teach about the greatest artist of all, the one that made the earth and stars and knew me before I was even born.
There is nothing more bittersweet than the moment that you realize that you are a complete idiot and everything you had been living for was wrong. Jon Foreman calls this the beautiful letdown.
Switchfoot
It was a beautiful let down when I crashed and burned
When I found myself alone unknown and hurt
It was a beautiful let down the day I knew
That all the riches this world had to offer me would never do
In a world full of bitter pain and bitter doubt
I was trying so hard to fit in, fit in, until I found out I don't belong here
I will carry a cross and a song where I don't belong
But I don't belong
It was a beautiful let down when you found me here
Yeah for once in a rare blue moon I see everything clear
I'll be a beautiful let down that's what I'll forever be
And though it may cost my soul I'll sing for free
We're still chasing our tails and the rising sun
And our dark water planet's still spinning in a race
Where no one wins and no one's one
I don't belong here
I'm gonna set sight and set sail for the kingdom come
I will carry a cross and a song where I don't belong
But i don't belong, I don't belong here
Your kingdom come
Won't you let me down yeah, let my foolish pride forever let me down
Easy living, not much like your name
Easy dying, you look just about the same
Won't you please take me off your list
Easy living please come on and let me down
We are a beautiful let down, painfully uncool,
The church of the dropouts, the losers, the sinners, the failures and the fools
Oh what a beautiful let down are we salt in the wound
Let us sing one true tune
I don't belong here, feels like I don't belong here
Let me down, because I don't belong here
Please, won't you let me down?
In the years since my late night awakening, my paradigm has shifted. I now see this entire life as merely an on-ramp for a much better ride. And the place we are headed hasn't got any of the baggage that we are used to. No sickness, toil or danger. It is just one long interstate. But unfortunately, some people do not realize that they have missed their exit and are headed for the wrong road. Friends, I ask you to take a moment and evaluate where your priorities are set. What are you living for?
A year and a half later I have new perspectives. I feel more than ever a longing for the future Kingdom where tears are wiped from my eyes. But I see this world as a place to shine light, to bring heaven here. We are to shine the Light into dark corners here. So it is off into the world with my Lamp on new adventures.
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