Breathe

I have found a modern psalm on my new Dashboard CD. It’s a song of desperation. It’s a song of last resorts... of reaching the end of your rope. I so know that feeling. I am there. I am ready for a shift. I am ready for a change. I am ready to molt. I need to break free and stretch my new wings and fly.


Reason to Believe
by Dashboard Confessional
Steady lungs don’t fail me know
I feel you bursting, but you wont let me die
Fill me up with every step, I'm feeling sick
But I'm leaving it behind

Just one more breath I beg you please
Just one more step you are not weak
My legs are sturdy but they need you to survive
My heart is sturdy but I need you

Breathe
Don’t you want to breathe
I know that you are strong enough to handle what i need
My capillaries scream
There’s nothing left to feed on
My body needs a reason to cross the line
Will you carry me there once more

I feel so changed by recent events. I feel tossed from the safe little nest were I was lovingly brought back to the faith. Its almost like God gave me this safe little harbor where I could return, slowly, step by step till I was back in the Father's arms. Then HE gave me a place to hone my craft.... where I could let the gifts buried inside develop and grow. In this nest I found my voice. I learned who I was called to be. I learned who and how I was called to serve. But like all nests... even like all cocoons, the season comes when its time to spread your wings and find the next big challenge.

It’s time to fly.... time to be more. It’s time to be bigger and better. The nest is gone. It’s never coming back again. It’s blown down and tumbled to the ground in a crash. So I have to fly and look for the next big thing.

PSALM 27
1 The LORD is my light and my salvation—
whom shall I fear?
The LORD is the stronghold of my life—
of whom shall I be afraid?


2 When evil men advance against me
to devour my flesh,
when my enemies and my foes attack me,
they will stumble and fall


3 Though an army besiege me,
my heart will not fear;
though war break out against me,
even then will I be confident.


4 One thing I ask of the LORD,
this is what I seek:
that I may dwell in the house of the LORD
all the days of my life,
to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD
and to seek him in his temple.


5 For in the day of trouble
he will keep me safe in his dwelling;
he will hide me in the shelter of his tabernacle
and set me high upon a rock.


6 Then my head will be exalted
above the enemies who surround me;
at his tabernacle will I sacrifice with shouts of joy;
I will sing and make music to the LORD.


7 Hear my voice when I call, O LORD;
be merciful to me and answer me.


In David's lyrics, he often describes just how dire the situation has become. He is stranded. He is lost. He's down in the dumps, trapped in the mire. Shadows are all around. Enemies are coming to kill him. He's gonna die for sure... but he never fears.... because his God is GOD! And God is big enough to give him exactly what he needs to make it through. God delivers. God has a plan. God is strong enough to handle what he needs.

In my dark times, which there have been many in the past months as the bow broke and the nest fell to the ground, I have learned some important things. I learned that I should not look to my own efforts, my own reason or my own strength, for I am only a man. But I can look to my comforter. I will rely on the Spirit. He is everything I need. I need Him so. My body craves Him more than oxygen. My capillaries scream for that sweet breath... I need to burn in the Spirit... and oh yes... He carries me. He takes me up and restores me, reminds me of my goal, of my drive, of my mission. He sets me back on my feet and sends me back out again.

I have a reason to believe. And I'm getting ready to seek that next great chapter of my mission. Stick close friends. It will be an adventure.