a rope on the edge

So I am battling this viral infection. I have never been a sick person but since football season I have had this reoccurring problem with the left side of my face. I have had ear infection after ear infection, tonsillitis, soar throat, swollen glands in my mouth and neck. I have been to the doctor repeatedly.

Finally over Christmas break I went to an ENT that seemed to get the problem fixed, a viral infection in my glands were the root of all the other issues. After a long regiment of anti-viral medicines we thought we had licked it.. Save some lingering issues with my mumps gland. Up until this point I never even knew I had a mumps gland. Now I know that when it gets infected it makes your jaw and ear throb- a randomly occurring, shooting, tooth-rattling pain.

During this time I prayed over this problem half-heartedly. But ever since Charisa's head injury and miraculous healing, I can’t find the words to ask for my own favors with the Lord’s healing touch. It just seems selfish.

For those of you who don’t know, my daughter, just six months old at the time, had a toddler fall on her at daycare and a quarter-sized part of her skull was crushed in. I don't know if words can describe the horror of looking down at your little girl and seeing something as massively wrong as that. If you've ever seen a ping pong ball that has been stepped on, you know exactly the kind of fracture we are talking about. I felt sick in my gut. But she looked at me and smiled and some how, the Lord was letting me know that it was going to be ultimately ok, even though in that ambulance ride, things looked really bleek.

They say faith is like a rope by a cliff. You don’t know how strong the rope is while you are standing on the precipice. But once you’ve jumped over and are dangling from it, then you know for sure how strong it is. That was what I found. There I was, hanging over the edge, just my daughter lying there with a big dent in her head, and my wife and I, left to give it to God and pray. Prayer wasn’t an exercise. It wasn’t a ritual. It was all there was to do.

The thing I found was a calm, a knowing that GOD was just as real in this place as he was on mission trips, at youth services and in the little victories in life... better yet was the realization that no matter the outcome, He was still all I had. I remember the conversation Peter had with Jesus after His startling message to the Jews that He was to be eaten like manna from heaven. Jesus, seeing many followers desert him, turns to the loyal twelve and offer them the chance to leave. But Peter evaluates his situation and proclaims in an awesome moment of faith, "Where else can I go. I have invested everything in you."

During the next day at the hospital, when the surgeon returned from the operating room, an hour early, he said that the skull just popped back into place, with no bleeding underneath. It was a miracle.

Calla Johnson, our dear friend, Luther League Leader, mission trip commander, and mega-nurse, held our hand the whole way through. She proclaimed at this great news, “YEAH GOD! HE DOES GREAT WORK!”

I responded, “You do great work, too, doctor.”

And what happened next I will never forget. He looked at me with glassy eyes. He said in a quiet voice, “This time it was 5 % me, and 95% a better doctor.” Looking up to the heavens.

Leaving the hospital, Charisa was already responding normally, as if nothing had happened. That is when a nurse told us how grave the situation was. She said they see cases like that there quite often, and it is never good. Babies that survive are either brain damaged, paralyzed or terribly disfigured. But our child was the one in a thousand that by some great Grace far beyond our own understanding was restored to normal. It gave faith and prayer a whole new perspective. And I shouted from the roof tops the greatness of our God.

So, I have had my one big miracle in my life… I am thankful each day for it. The Lord loves us and does great things for us just as He did 2000 years ago in the Holy Lands.

So all was back to normal in my life. My three year old is being potty trained. My little girl is on the verge of walking (way early might I add). And I am thankful. Then Tuesday, while brushing my teeth, I felt that old familiar discomfort in my mouth… followed by some ear pain… and I knew it was back. So last night I laid awake with this burning knot in my stomach from the medicine and I thought… and thought… and thought. I knew it was time to give this to God.

Calla helped scare some sense into me when she used a big bad medical term “Systemic”. I have no desire to get really sick and die… I have more Gospel to spread, more light to shine. So now I am ready to start praying. And I will start reading Job. God is the boss. I give this to Him. Bad mouth infection or no, I am His child, better or worse.

Job looked to God and said,

"I'm convinced: You can do anything and everything.

Nothing and no one can upset your plans.

Job 42: 1, 2

So, I find myself back on the edge, with a rope in hand. I ponder the jump that is to come. Pray with me friends. Let the Lord work in my life.