Keith Haring

THE BEST REASON TO PAINT IS THAT
THERE IS NO REASON TO PAINT. I´D LIKE TO PRETEND THAT I´VE NEVER
SEEN ANYTHING, NEVER READ ANYTHING,
NEVER HEARD ANYTHING...
AND THEN MAKE SOMETHING. EVERTIME I MAKE SOMETHING
I THINK ABOUT THE PEOPLE
WHO ARE GOING TO SEE IT AND EVERTIME I SEE SOMETHING
I THINK ABOUT THE PERSON
WHO MADE IT. NOTHING IS IMPORTANT...
SO, EVERTHING IS IMPORTANT.

Prayer Request

Please keep me in your prayers. I am not dealing with this whole suicide thing very well. I have a lot of regrets. I wish I would have done more.

Brant

Then he said to them all: "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me.
-Luke 9:23

I sang my song Everyday in church yesterday. It is the song that best sums up my early time as a born again Christian. It was the closing song, the alter call song if you will, through my band days. And it echoes the verse Luke 9:23 which I often cling to. This isn't about a religion, like a membership to a club- like MPR which I pledge to once or twice a year and listen to on the weekends. This is a life. You change and go with Him EVERYDAY!

Its funny how the Spirit works. I was worried that I messed up the rhythm on the first verse and really only got it all together by the third. But afterwards I heard how good I sounded.

Now I often hear about my song writing, how entertaining I am on stage, or how the Spirit moved. But I never hear that I have a pretty voice. I am much more of a Jim Morrison than a Frank Sinatra and I have to delusions about this. Having a sister that can REALLY sing, who is blessed with a big beautiful voice, I have always been the bard, telling tales and leading the way I would in a play, using a charisma of personality more than a talent for music.

But yesterday I heard I sounded good.

Perhaps they will let me sing again some time?

An absurd notion

The Jews were looking for a king to come romp the romans. They wanted a warrior to kick out their enemies and make the rich even richer. They wanted a politician that could unit and a military genius that could bring down wrath and revenge upon the enemies of Zion.

Instead God sent a baby... born in a stall surrounded by donkeys and sheep.

They expected a mighty warrior covered in gold and glory.

God sent a child born in filth and manure.

They expected someone which the powerful would bow down to. To whom the pharisees and sadducees would rally behind. Instead shepherds came to pay tribute.

At every turn God gave them the opposite of what they expected. Jesus came born into a poor family to a mother who had not yet wed. Born in a manger stall instead of in the halls of wealth. Forced to flee a mighty king and the swords of his men... A babe against the powers of man...

Who else to save mankind? Who else to change the world? Who else could walk in place of every man but this babe... this child born among the animal crap... But fully both God and man.

Merry Christmas. Thank you for sending your son.

...Under the trash (A repost from Christmas 2006)

I have been nosing around the book of Ecclesiastes this Advent season. I have found a seeker, a man roaming through the world searching for the true meaning of life. I see a wise man exploring wealth, fame and all manners of earthly pursuits. In the end, what does he find? He finds that all things are empty without a relationship with God. All things under the sun are trivial without find what's above the sun.

It was a brief second in the Popmart set. It was a tiny moment with enormous meaning. It was a throwaway gesture in which the whole Popmart thesis is understood. Perhaps it was even the whole point of the U2 dissertation of the nineties. The band was cranking up the volume in "Mofo" when Bono came to the line "Looking for the baby Jesus under the trash." As he sang those words, he gestured his arm to the biggest TV screen in the world, that huge golden arch and the mighty lemon. It was almost just a shrug, but the illumination it threw out was as bright as every spotlight, special effect, or image Willie Williams was flashing up from the light desk. All of this paraphernalia the band had around it night after night for most of the nineties was trash. What was more important was underneath it all. The use of Baby Jesus could mean the genesis of this thought is in the commercialization of Christmas, when Jesus, the real meaning of the season, is lost beneath wrapping paper, tinsel, stuffing, and Santa Claus. But it is a picture of a general loss of meaning or hope or truth. As we glance across the horizon of the loudest and brightest culture in the history of humankind, is there any chance we might find in the midst of all the shallowness something deeper, something more precious, something more lasting? Is Jesus lost? Or can He be retrieved from the garbage?
p. 119
Steve Stockman
Walk On: The Spiritual Journey of U2



In the work of U2 we see the same seeking. We see the same yearning to find spiritual meaning in the world. The postmodern world is one filled with a choir of voices... none of which pause in honor of the others. It’s a mass overload of sensory overload. It’s easy to be lost… but this bewildering landscape of shopping malls, pop-up adds and sound bites also brings us to the same truth that the seeker in the book of Ecclesiastes finds… The promises of this world are hallow.


Again, it was the searching for Jesus under the trash. "Mofo," which kicked off the show, begins with that statement of intending to look for something to save hi soul and fill the God-shaped hole. The seeking will be done in a barren desert place... There are still no comfortable refuges in the life of this Dublin boy, but the search continues. The compass points have not changed even though he may be in the wilderness in some kind of Old Testament wandering. It is still that God-shaped hole that captures the thinking of his heart, soul, and mind.
p. 121
Steve Stockman
Walk On: The Spiritual Journey of U2


Modernism, logic, reason, invention, political truth, and rationalism all leave you empty in the chilling emotional desert of this world. We find real life, real peace, in the spiritual. Thank god, that God is a intimate god, that reaches down into this world and becomes personal. He hasn’t stopped calling out to you, even though you are lost in the barrage of holiday chaos. He is as present as ever, in the midst of the hustle and bustle, drawing you towards His truth and His light.

Merry Christmas… Make it a personal one. Do not forget the reason for the season.

Looking for Baby Jesus... (A repost from Christmas 2006)

MOFO
U2

Looking for to save my save my soul
Looking in the places where no flowers grow
Looking for to fill that God shaped hole
Mother...mother sucking rock and roll

Holy dunc, spacejunk coming in for the splash
White dopes on punk staring into the flash
Looking for the baby Jesus under the trash

Bubble popping sugar dropping rock and roll
Mother...mother sucking rock and roll



Christmas time, a time when you see everyone at the stores buying last minute gifts for every person on their list. Everyone has a little religion around the holidays. Even the most stone cold heart says an occasional 'Merry Christmas.' We pack our front yards with lighted displays that stress that we are in the Christmas spirit. We have Santa's on the rooftops and we play catchy Christmas carols on the radio. But never forget during this time of tinsel string and blinking lights that underneath all the glitz and glamor of the holidays is a miraculous story, the story of a child in a manger, of a king sent for poor shepherd and commoners, of a God so caring that He'd become lowly to save ordinary folks like us. That is the heart of Christmas.

It might take a moment, but this year, take a moment, if only for a moment, and look for baby Jesus amongst the holiday trash. If even at a red light, look for Him for He is all around. Christmas with out the CHRIST is just a mess!

Grace and peace this holiday season!!!

long silence

So I haven't blogged in a while. Life gets busy... things get crazy. You have problems with life and love and your words disappear.

That's the deal. I cut ties with someone that had been very very close to me for a long long time. I would like to say it was easy but in truth it might have been the hardest thing I have ever done. Even now when things get bad I find myself reaching for my cell considering pushing that emergency button... But I have closed that door and must look forward.

I could pour through poems and verse and let my heart explode on this blog as it has here before... but the truth is, I was just ready to move on. I wanted something different. And that requires ending an old chapter and starting a new one.

I played my old songs at a Thursday night service. It went well. I am alive again. The old music still works... The words come out, the Spirit flows, lives change. It was ME that was broken. It was my heart that grew timid and cold. Now I feel the burning fire again and want my guitar to be like a sword imbued with the Living Word of God whirling through the darkness and penetrating the heart of man.

I can't do this when my mind is in a whirlwind of love sick drama. I can't do this when I feel ran under the hooves of a passing army. I cannot do this until I set Jesus as my center and push back the other voices to the outer reaches of my ears.

I have limited the noise and look now for fellow solders that are willing to fight the good fight with me.

I will not be silent any more.

Frustration

I have never felt so frustrated in my life.

I feel like a dammed up river that is about to explode.

Nothing is giving me peace anymore except praise and worship.

What does this mean? Are you changing me Lord? Is this some sort of fire that will purify me? Or is this the shedding of dry skin.

I don't know but I could scream at the top of my lunges. I hate this dying world. I had the scent of sin that permeates everything. I hate pain, I hate suffering. I hate corruption. I hate how the big guy wins and the little guy takes it on the chin. I hate it.

COME! Come savior. Make the poor rich and the weak strong. I WANT YOUR PRESENCE. I want you NOW.

I am so frustrated I can't stand still. SHATTER THIS WORLD... BREAK THIS DEAD DUSTY PLANE! Make me new again.

Who's Your Daddy?

Am I now trying to win the approval of men or of God?  Or am I trying to
please men?  If I were still trying to please men I would not be a servant
of Christ. 
Galatians 1:10 NIV   


Its very telling in life to stop every now and then and look about and check yourself.  I have been doing this myself lately.  I don't want to live to make people happy.  I don't want to be a slave to popularity.  I want my life to be for a high purpose.  Perhaps I can live to please God and not people. 

We can only serve one master.  If we care more what a certain group of people think that what God wants from us we are not following Him.  Sometimes being a Christ-follower requires us to stand up against the crowd and do hard things.  We we do that, and suffer here on earth, we gain great reward in heaven. 

Who's your daddy?  Who's eyes are you trying to impress?

Shooting Rubberbands at the Moon

Its silly how dense we can be sometimes. We let happiness pass over us like a cool breeze without even noticing... then we take wild hay-maker punches at silly things that really don't make us happy.

Trying to make yourself happy is like shooting rubberbands at the moon. We just don't have the firepower to get it done. We need a bigger power to fill us up and give us meaning.

Sunday I played bass in church. It made me feel so so good. Then I stumble my own to my car and head back out into my own silly life of rubberband shooting and hay-maker punch swinging... And I am oblivious to the moment where I felt the feeling of peace inside of my own skin that I have so been craving!

Its silly.. I think we have some sort of innate desire to make OURSELVES happy. Its like we are Adam trying to wrestle the wheel of destiny out of God's hands and do it ourselves. But that course ALWAYS leaves us empty and in the ditch.

So... shooting rubberbands is foolish. But seeking that deeper source of joy is live-giving water. I need to yield the reigns and stop the attempts to make good on my own. I need to let a better Driver take the wheel.

Why

Why do we get so busy? Why do our calendars fill up and our lives become cluttered with unimportant things to do? Slowly we lose time to blog, lose reason to write, lose time to read and even faith to pray...

Little mundane things block our lives. We run here and there doing our unimportant business and we lose sight of the fact that God made us to worship Him. We are not ants just made to toil and carry the burdens all day long. We are thinking, creative beings meant to sing praises and write poems and lay prone on the earth and shout to the Lord that He is wonderful and that we love Him.

I have been far too busy. I need to cut the strings that are holding me back. I need to make the time. I need to clean the slate. I need to find the priority of Jesus... and anything in my way must be lost. Anything standing between me and my Savior must be let slip into the ether... No looking back. There are other worlds than this.

Lord... I am seeking Your Face.
AMEN

What's this life for?

"That's what I'm really good at." she said.

Last night I had an experience. It was amazing. It was one of those times where you feel the Spirit working on the room like a knot untying. I opened my mouth and spoke from the heart... what I barely recall. I felt something was about to happen. And when it did it touched my heart deeply. I see my purpose in life. I know it down to my core. Sharing my experience with a friend, she reinforced that its my calling... and expressed how, like quicksand, its easy to slip away from the Path of the Beam and struggle to find your way back.

I want a new profession. I want to be a lifeguard. But I don't want to save a life for a year or two or ten. I want to offer a chance at eternity. Leading others to the cross is amazing. Its better than anything else in the world.

I am still puzzled, dumb struck that the same god that painted that amazing sky this afternoon, the same creator that drew that rainbow in the sky, is the same GOD that loves me and calls to me by name. AWESOME! It makes one feel so special.

I have wasted a lot of time, spinning wheels and collecting stuff. Stuff is meaningless. Stuff turns to dust. Things the world values rusts. But I know a place where treasure lasts for eternity.

We were meant to live for so much more than this dusty old world has to offer. We were meant to amazing adventures that lead others to the Kingdom.

Join me. Let's shine for HIM.

Birthday

Thanks everyone for making this birthday special. Its been a hard one for me. It is my first birthday alone. The cookies and cards and birthday texts and facebook messages all made me feel important. Really.

Pray for me. I am going through some changes. I am very unsure of myself. I have seen the Lord working through me... but I also feel the enemy lurking. He always fights us when we are doing good work for the Kingdom. So pray for strength and wisdom. I need it.

Lord, protect me from flaming arrows.... AMEN!

falling in love

Want to know what I really want to do? I want to fall in love with God again. I want to yearn for Him like a lover misses his lady's face. I want sweet words of praise and adoration to drip from my lips like romeo wooing Juliet. I want the songs I write to burn with passion for the Creator of the heavens and the earth. I want my life to be a big giant pulsing heart the pound love for God.

I am to ache for Him when I stray. I want Him to wrap me in His arms and fill me up. I want His approval to mean the everything to me. I want to disappear into a sea of Him forever. I want to sail in the great Mysteries of His Word. I want to seek His Truth. I want to be a beacon for His Light. I want to reflect him.

I am the Moon and HE is the Sun. I am nothing but a dull, dead rock with out His light. I am cold. I am barren. I am nothing. I want to be illuminated by His Power.

LORD JESUS, FILL ME UP! LET ME FALL IN LOVE AGAIN WITH YOU EACH DAY! A GOD LIKE YOU IS IMPOSSIBLE TO FIND.

something big

I had a teenage freshman tell me today, "Something big is about to happen. I can feel it. I don't know what it is but be ready."

I have to agree. I can feel it building too. Something is unfolding like a butterfly out of its cocoon, preparing to flap its wings for the first time. I don't have any clue what it is but I think we all better prepare to see God's glory unfold.

It happens from time to time, the Spirit moves, lives change, clay is shaped into wonderful works of art. You had best get ready for something awesome... Because its building. You can almost touch it.

Lord, BRING IT! Amen

Awakening

I was driving into school rocking out Switchfoot's Awakening. I haven't listened to the San Diego boys much lately. I have been running from the feelings I feel when I hear them.

But after last night's AMAZING service and all that the Lord has done to me and through me (despite my continued feet dragging and self-doubt) I knew it was time to get that old feeling back.

Rocking out to the song brought back old memories... old feelings of a time when being in the Spirit was not unusual. Lately I have been in the desert. Drinks of Water have been rare and live saving. But once every moment of the day was a reason to praise, an excuse to worship, a moment to raise you hands, lower your guard and just thank Him for His grace and mercy.

Then it hit me, like a giant fly swatter upon me, during the drilling, pounding, thundering drums of the bridge of that Switchfoot song. And clearly I heard a voice say to me, "Pound the drum, make a joyful noise to the Lord, all the earth."

And I was washed in the Spirit and just worshiped Him with words over flowing and my hands raised.

When I came to, I was driving 75 down the little highway between Grinnell and New Sharon and the song was over. Tears ran down my face. What does this mean? I do not fully know. But it was a gift.

Lord, wash me every day! AMEN

Thirsty Thursday

I keep hearing people talk about thirty Thursday. They seem to have added an extra day to the weekend. Hey, that's cool. I am all for having fun. But, friends, I have discovered my own event to attend on Thursday's night. And yes, I it makes me thirst.

I have been attending a pretty darn amazing service put on by some college kids. They have good lights and loud music and the Living Word of God. There is praying and an alter and healing and tears. It reminds me of a little group back in western Iowa that used to try the same thing. What else do I see? I see changed lives. And that is what the Good News is really about... Changing lives.

Lord I want more of YOU. Living Water rain down on me
Lord I need more of YOU. Living Breath of Life come fill me up

We are hungry, we are hungry, we are hungry for more of you
We are thirsty Oh Jesus! We are thirsty for more of You


I am thirsty. I am thirsty for the awesome power of Jesus!

Bible Study

So I was on my way out of school today and I passed the little kids at Good News Club in the elementary lunch room. They were learning about a Bible story. As I heard the man reading the Word, something inside me jumped. I know that feeling. I miss it. I want to feel it again.

Back in the day I ran an ecumenical Bible study on Thursday mornings at my old school. I loved it because it was a real way to show our faith in the school, and it was awesome because it PUSHED me so hard to have to find something to teach every week. God always provided something. It took prayer, trust and a lot of reading on my own to always have something for them to see. But God was there helping every step of the way.

Yeah, I miss that feeling. I think He's urging me back towards teaching the Word. I know its my gift and the pain and empty I feel is probably directly tied to the fact that I am not using that gift right now. So perhaps its time to start praying for the opportunity to lead a Bible study again. God willing... I think I may be ready to do it again.

Pray for me, please. Its been a hard time in my life. It's like I'm finding my way again. But I have so much doubt!

This is Your Life

What do you want out of life?
What drives you?
What are you living for?
If you made a list of priorities in your life, what would be at the top?

I had an art project for my freshmen recently where they made a list of the three most important things in their lives and then made artwork about them. I had a lot of students write down things like-

My Friends
My Cellphone
God

That is very telling. And I am not saying that its good or bad... Just honest. Are your friends important to you? Are you sharing your faith with them? Are you sharing that you once were lost but now you feel alive because of a living God has come into your life?

Is your cellphone important? I know mine is to me. Is it the conduit for good or bad? When was the last time you texted anyone words of encouragement? When was the last time you prayed over the phone with someone?

And is God really important to you? Do you wake up and scream that you want to live for Him? Is He the driving force in your life? Or is He a distant God that you don't want to anger? Are you living in fear or living in Jesus? This is your life... What are you living for?

Now I am an artist and everything in the end comes back to art for me. This life should be a work of art for Jesus. How will be display in glory through our lives today?
Don't me ordinary. Make each day EXTRAORDINARY.

Oh God! A new song in A minor

Oh God, oh God. I need you now.
Oh God, Oh God. Hear me some how.
I lay here... and I stretch out my hands
Nothing else will satisfy this brokenness but YOU.

Oh God, Oh God, Hear my moan,
Deep inside, my spirit groans,
Everywhere I've search for answers but they leave me blind,
Oh God, Oh God... Free me this time.


You kept my eyes open, When I was too down to speak,
You lifted me up, when my spirit was weak.
Oh God, Oh God, can you still hear me now?
Oh God, Oh God, rescue me somehow.